Page 45 of This for That (The Edge of Retaliation 1)
I don’t want to live the rest of my life in this kind of pain.
“Callie!” Officer Corel grabs me, very quickly pinning my wrists to my sides. I’m panting, tears rolling down my cheeks.
“I don’t want to feel like this anymore,” I sob. “I’m so tired of feeling so empty inside. I feel like even when I get out of here, I’ll have nothing. I’ll always be the girl who took an innocent life. I’ll always be a killer. I’ll never sleep a night and not see her face. I have no family. I only have one friend left. There is nothing left for me, in here or out there. I’m just . . . I’m done.”
“Listen to me,” he growls, and I look up at him, tears streaming down my face. “You are not alone, not in here or out there. You’re going to get through this. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to feel like you can’t breathe. But you’re going to get through it. She deserves you to fight for her, to find out what happened to her, to get out of here and be the best version of yourself so that she didn’t die for nothing. If you give up now, she’ll never have anyone on her side. You might have made a mistake, but Callie, you can fix it. You don’t need family. You don’t need friends. You just need yourself.”
“I don’t know if I can make it another five years. I don’t think I can. I don’t even want to think of it. It’s a lifetime when you’re my age. The idea of being in here, the idea of living with the horror I live with every day—it isn’t worth it for me.”
“You want to avoid that horror? Then start listening. I can protect you from that horror, but not if you keep seeking it out. Five years is nothing when compared to eighty. Callie, you have so many years left. Don’t give up now. You’re so much stronger than you think.”
“What if you’re not here?” I whisper, looking up at him. “What then?”
“I’m not going anywhere, so start doing as you’re told, and you’ll find life in here isn’t as horrible as you think.”
Is he right? Should I give in and listen to him? Should I start fighting for Celia?
Or should I just give up and accept nothing will ever change?
I’m being torn in between two minds right now.
I guess, in the end, the strongest one will win.
18
NOW – CALLIE
I despise tears.
Yet I can’t stop them.
The closer I get to Tanner’s garage, the more I cry. I cry over the picture. I cry at my father’s betrayal. I cry for Celia, mostly. It’s always for Celia. The life that was taken far too soon. Over and over, I wonder about what she’d be doing now if she were still here. Would she be married? Have kids? Would she be travelling the world? What would her life look like?
I reach the garage and get out of my car.
I’m not thinking clearly. All I know is right now, I need someone, and for some reason, the stranger I’ve come to like so much is the person I am drawn to.
I walk up to the front door of the garage and I knock. It doesn’t look like anyone is here, even though he texted me earlier he’d be working late. Frustrated, I bang louder, over and over, until finally the door opens.
I’m not presented with Tanner. I’m presented with a half-naked woman. She’s wearing a tank top and panties, and nothing else. Her hair is down, flowing around her shoulders, and she is so damned beautiful it makes my eyes hurt just looking at her. From her thick black locks, to her full lips and steel-grey eyes, she has the perfect features. Her body is tiny and curvy, and every man’s dream.
She’s in Tanner’s garage.
A moment later, he appears behind her. He’s fully clothed, but it feels like my world comes to a screeching halt when I realize what I’ve just stepped in on. I’m crying like a teenager, and he’s been in here having sex with some gorgeous woman. No matter how I look at this, it’s going to hurt.
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice cracking. “I thought you were alone.”
I spin on my heel and rush back towards my car.
“Callie! Wait!” Tanner comes after me, slamming his hand on my car door when I open it to get in. The door closes, and I turn, facing him. He’s leaning over me, looking like a goddamned miracle. I want to rip his clothes off, hug him, and slap him all at the same time.
“Wait,” he growls, his voice husky.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t realize you were busy. I just needed someone to talk to. It’s fine . . .”
