Page 55 of My Sexy Rival (Stars In Their Eyes 2)
I sat up straight, my heart skittering wildly in my chest. I alone had the power to make him stay.
23
Jess
* * *
All through lunch at my parents’ house the next day, I could barely concentrate.
Kat and Bryan were here for a farewell meal. They’d stayed in the area after the graduation ceremony, heading to Santa Barbara for a vacation, and they were on their way back to New York tomorrow morning. My mom chatted about why she thought they should find out the genders of the babies at Kat’s ultrasound next week. Kat nodded and smiled, then said that she wanted to be surprised at their birth. I hardly listened, because I had only one thing on my mind.
The persistent drumbeat of possibility.
My mom attempted a new angle, suggesting Kat have the ultrasound technician email the genders to her, and that way Kat would still be surprised but my mom could still shop for the babies.
Bryan laughed, and clasped his hand over his wife’s. “Mom, I think it’s Kat’s decision in the end.”
I had to get away from all this talk of babies, and couples, and the future, because it was clouding my judgment. I had to make this choice free of all the noise, so I pushed back and said, “Excuse me for a minute.”
I slipped away from the table, and headed for the backyard, Jennifer close by my side. I slid the glass door shut behind me, and sank down onto a plastic chair on the deck. Jennifer rested her snout on my leg, and I petted her.
The memory of Riley asking her dog for advice flashed before me. Maybe Jennifer had answers.
As I stroked the big dog’s nose, I tried Riley’s tactic. “Should I do it, Jennifer? I can be the reason he stays. He’s never asked me to do this. We’ve never even talked about it. But are we ready to take that step?”
Jennifer lifted her snout and tilted her head. She revealed no answers.
I sent a text to Jillian.
Jess: Why can’t love be as easy as taking pictures? Wait. I don’t want you to know I think taking pictures is easy.
Jillian: When you love something, it can feel easy. Also, why is love feeling so hard?
Jess: Not so much love, but decisions. I need to make one.
Jillian: I have faith in you. You’ll make the right ones. You always do.
But did I? I wasn’t so sure. I wanted to make the right ones. I wanted to make the best ones. A creaking sound filled my ears. Kat had opened the door and was sliding it shut behind her.
“Hey, Jess,” she said, taking the seat next to me on the deck. “You seemed out of sorts at lunch. Are you okay?”
“No,” I said, not bothering to fake it.
“What’s wrong? Is it William leaving?”
“Yes,” I said, because they all knew the clock was ticking.
“And you’re missing him like crazy.”
“I am,” I said, staring off into the small yard and the wood fence at the edge. I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t look at anyone. I needed to find the answer myself. “And I want him to stay.”
She shifted her chair, moving closer to me, forcing me to look at her. “So are you going to do it?”
I furrowed my brows. “Do what?”
“Ask him to marry you so he can stay.”
My heart nearly stopped and my eyes widened. “Did you hear me talking to the dog?” I asked in a hushed voice.
She shook her head. “No. But it doesn’t take a genius to see that you’re sad, nor does it take much to figure out that you’re trying to make a hard decision.”
“But if it’s a hard decision, doesn’t that mean it’s the wrong decision, Kat? I’m only twenty-one. I’m going to med school. Should I really get married now? Do I marry him just so he can stay? Assuming he’d even say yes?”
She smiled sweetly at me. “That’s a lot of questions, and I don’t have the answers to any except for the last one, and I suspect you know the answer to it as well.”
“It just seems wrong to marry him just so he can stay.”
“Then don’t do it.”
“But I can’t stand the thought of him leaving. And I have the power to make him stay. All I have to do is go down to the courthouse with him and we say I do, and voilà. Instant citizen.”
“So do it.”
I scoffed. “You’re not helpful,” I said with a small pout.
“Because marriage isn’t an easy decision when it’s complicated by factors beyond love. If love was the only reason, then it would be an easy choice.”
I slinked down in the chair, sighing heavily. “But if it was meant to be, why did it not even occur to me until last night that I could even do this? I literally never even thought about it or considered it until last night. Then it hit me like that,” I said, snapping my fingers. “Why did it never even enter the realm of possibility until last night?”
