Page 24 of Cuffed to my Roomies
I couldn’t help but feel like I’d made a huge mistake. They’d rescued me by the side of the road, given me a place to stay, given me their friendship, and I’d used them both. Sure, they’d been every bit as on board with it as I’d been last night, but what if they too thought it had been a colossal clusterfuck? I hadn’t heard from either of them all day, which was unusual. They always texted me, and Derek typically sent hilarious Snapchats. I went to eat with Celia and downed an entire double bacon burger and onion rings. Some people can’t eat when they’re upset. I wasn’t one of them. I’m the one who asks for extra cheese on my burger and a milkshake to top it off.
“What is going on?” Celia asked, studying my face.
“Nothing. Just hungry,” I said around a mouthful of burger.
I checked my phone to see what Ainsley had to say about the situation. I’d messaged her that I slept with my roommate, not that there were three of us in the bed, but that he hadn’t texted me all day. No word from my best friend who probably had to concentrate on her work instead of dealing with my angst.
“You eat like a salad normally,” she said, “or half a sandwich. Never this. This is like eating with my younger brother. I’m worried you’re gonna eat the salt shaker next. Seriously, girl. What is going on?”
“Nothing. Maybe I’ve got PMS. I was craving a burger,” I said.
“Whatever. You know I don’t believe that for a minute. How’d your research project go?”
“Good. I’m really proud of it. How’s the writer doing?”
“She’s out of the hospital and working from home today. She’ll be back Monday. You’ll love her. She’s great, really smart.”
“Awesome. I’ll be stuck making copies forever,” I said with a grunt.
“Um, that’s kind of what an unpaid internship is all about,” Celia reminded me. “Besides, you have to put in your dues before you climb up with ranks.”
I sighed and nodded my head. I was being a real asshole.
“You’re right. I’m just in a mood. How’s your day been?”
“Good. Liz is out of the office so mostly everything goes to voicemail. I’ve gotten caught up on a lot without the phone to worry about.”
“That’s good. How’s it going at the new apartment?” I asked.
“Oh, I’ve pulled up the carpet, and there’s hardwood! I’m watching YouTube videos at night to figure out how to refinish the floors. I can’t wait.”
“That’s awesome. If you need any help, let me know. I’m not that handy at home repairs, but I can bring wine and supervise,” I said.
“Oh, I’ll need wine and supervision. I’ll call you when I’m ready for it,” she said. She took a last sip of her water and looked at her watch. “Ugh. We need to get back.”
“I know,” I said, stuffing the last two onion rings in my mouth and leaving a tip on the table.
All afternoon, I thought about Brett and Derek. I almost texted either or both of them, but I had no idea what to say. I’m sorry I fucked both of you? It was amazing? I’m sorry? Let’s pretend that never happened? Let’s do it again? I couldn’t even untangle how I felt about it, much less how to put that into words.
When I got to the bar, I was nervous. They’d come in during my shift, I knew, because they always did. I didn’t know how to act around them now, or what I’d say. I knew it would be a relief to see them after being in suspense all day, worrying if they thought ill of me or if they regretted it. I regretted the angst and the drama of the aftermath, but I was pretty sure after thinking about it most of the day that I didn’t regret what we did. I had some swampy feelings that I was promiscuous , but that was my father’s voice in my head, not mine. I hadn’t been coerced. I hadn’t done anything I didn’t want to do. So all that held me back was concern about how Derek and Brett felt, and the qualms that came from my very traditional upbringing.
The other workers noticed I was quieter than usual, but I did my job and didn’t make too many mistakes even though I was preoccupied, watching the door, checking the stools where they usually sat. Halfway through my shift, they still hadn’t come in. It was at least an hour later than they usually arrived. I swallowed hard. The suspense was killing me.
13
On my break, I called Derek. I figured he was the more likely one to tell me the problem straight out. He was more outgoing and straightforward than the more reserved and sensitive Brett. So I called him for my answer.
