Page 19 of Double Trouble
Still, though, I thought there had to be another solution. But would Owen and Cin go for it?
It seemed fitting, in a twisted way. Where everyone else had gone left, we’d gone diagonal and off the track completely. Getting into fighting, then going into the military, then, finally, boxing. Our choices had never made sense to anyone but ourselves, as if only those in our world had the eyes to see where the stones fell in place. Maybe that was what this was too, an impossibly perfect possibility for the two of us. One love, one girl.
And yet, again, this was new ground for us. Dangerous new ground. New ground that could give way under our feet at any minute, taking the two of us with it. Things with Cin were still tentative at best. She seemed to have even less an idea of what was going on than we did.
Getting in too deep too fast would just lead to heartbreak for all involved. Better to play it cool for now, not text Cin how my fingers were already itching toward my phone for me to. Better to see how things between Owen and her progressed, if they progressed, and then go from there.
Owen and I couldn’t afford anything else to come between us.
Although, part of me sensed that neither could I afford anything to come between me and Cin.
12
Cin
“It’s nice to see you, Cin. It’s been a while.”
“It has.” I forced a smile. Right now, my head was a mishmash of ‘should’s and ‘don’t’s’ and ‘oughts’. Was it bad that, as kind as Dr. Abraham was, I hadn’t missed her? She’d probably know if I lied about it.
“I’ve been busy with work,” I said, which was true.
She smiled – a real one that showed her gums.
“Getting on with our lives and being happy enough to be without our therapist is nothing to be ashamed of.”
Another forced smile on my part. The past few months, calling myself ‘happy’ would’ve been a generous term. Now though, ‘happy’ was one of the emotions I was cycling through on a daily basis; even sneaking out of Jake’s place the other morning.
We eyed each other, while I wondered how on earth to start.
“I met someone,” I finally blurted out, frowning.
Her kind eyes appraised me before asking her question. “Not one of the usual guys you’ve tried a few dates with over the years?” she asked.
“No,” I answered.
She nodded. “And is this someone anyone like –”
“No,” I said, cutting her off. For some reason, I didn’t want her to say his name. As if doing so would awaken his ghost along with my guilt.
“I’m not sure, really,” I said. “This feels different.”
Another smile. “That’s good. Brave of you, to stay with it.”
“That’s the problem.” I fiddled with the loose chair arm on my right side. “I’m not sure I can.”
The clipboard on the doctor’s lap was merely for show. I’d never seen her write on it, and when I spoke, she fixed an almost unsettling attention on me. “Oh? And why do you think that is?”
“I’m scared,” I admitted, my other hand in my pocket, holding my phone. Willing for it to buzz with a message.
A whole day, and I hadn’t heard anything from either of the twins. Had sleeping with Jake screwed everything up?
“And why do you think you’re scared?” the quiet prod of Dr. Abraham’s voice was saying.
“This is the first time I’ve felt this strongly about anyone since the car accident. And in this case, it’s with… I’m pretty sure it can’t work out.”
“No? Tell me a bit about this mystery man.”
Her eyes were the exact shade of the diamond-spangled cleaning cloths I used at home. Weirdly fitting, in how right now they were scrubbing away the last of my resistance.
I took a breath. “It’s not just one man, actually.”
“Oh?”
I sighed. Dr. Abraham and her ‘oh’s. Sometimes, being a therapist must be great fun, hearing people’s tightly wound secrets and great fears. Right now, though, ‘fun’ was the last thing I was having. Admitting to the older lady about sleeping with Jake was a bit like telling my mom. Not fun at all.
“They’re twins. One’s a boxer and the other is his manager. I met them at work and things have progressed from there and” – deep breath, Cin – “The other night I slept with Jake. But I’m worried it screwed everything up. I had this fun date with Owen, but after the other night I haven’t heard from either of them.”
I had been unthinkingly wobbling the chair armrest until an ominous creak stopped me. “It was stupid of me to think that I could be spending time and developing feelings for both of them like that. And not fair to either of them.”
“Why is that?” she asked.
I frowned. Dr. Abraham may have had a degree in psychology hanging proudly on her wall, but her secondary degree, the one not shown, was in playing devil’s advocate.
