Page 47 of Pretend You're Mine
As it turned out, the roller derby was even better than I expected, all fast racing and shoving and cheering. Maybe it was also the fact that the guy beside me was pretty great, even if he could be indecisive and frustrating.
“Xander,” I finally said, pushing the flat of my hand against his popcorn bearing one. “I told you. I’m full.”
“Suit yourself,” he tossed a popcorn handful in his mouth, then wrapped his arm around me.
“You seem right at home here,” I commented.
“This is my first time too,” he said. “I’ve always been meaning to go, even considered it as a date-night option with some girls, but I had always kind of wanted to save it for….”
“For?” I asked, turning his way.
Xander was busy digging through the popcorn now. Finally, getting the handful he wanted, he regarded me with a frown. “Why ask questions you already know the answer to?”
Now it was my turn to frown, turning away. That was just the thing, I didn’t know the answer, not really. While Xander had as much as said that he’d save this date for when he was with someone he really cared about, he hadn’t and out and said it.
That was the thing about all of this. Sure he’d said that he cared about me. But what the hell did that mean in the bigger picture? As far as the first talk of the future was concerned, we’d barely brushed against it – I didn’t even really know where I stood, for that matter. He’d told me he wanted to be with me, but it was during the throws of passion. Could I really trust that? Or was in just an orgasm-induced falsehood?
The rest of the roller derby date was more quips and popcorn eating. The main event came after, as I soon found out.
I was surprised to find the sky darkening by the time we got out.
“You wouldn’t think we have daylight savings time with how soon it gets dark,” I said.
Xander’s hand closed over mine. “I don’t mind.”
Now that he mentioned it, the color of the sky was nice. It was evening, so the sky was still in a kind of nighttime ombre effect, ranging from a light to dark blue, not unlike Xander’s eyes.
In the car, Xander wouldn’t divulge where we were going, although I could see by the highway, it wasn’t anywhere downtown.
“Don’t I get a say in any of this?” I asked, half joking.
“No,” Xander said, not missing a beat.
When I began to pout, he said, “Look who’s talking. You still won’t tell me what you did last night.”
I squirmed a little in my seat. “I know, but…”
He held up a hand, silencing me. “Listen, it’s your right not to tell me things when you feel like it,” Xander gave a jagged up-down nod as he passed a car on the road. “Got it. Just like how it’s my right not to tell you where we’re going.”
Only ten minutes later I found out anyway. When we pulled up to the park, I couldn’t help but allow an impressed sound to escape from me. Xander smiled knowingly. “Not so bad, huh?”
Xander led me to a ring of spruces, then sat us down, getting out a blanket and some wine from a messenger bag I hadn’t even noticed he was carrying.
“Okay, so I’m totally impressed,” I admitted as he sat us down.
“Impressed enough to tell me your big dark secret?” Xander teased.
“No,” I said simply.
But Xander didn’t pout. Instead, he uncorked the wine bottle lifted it high, as if saluting the stars, he said, “Here’s to us.”
We both drank deeply to that, and laid on our backs, curling together. Overhead, the stars were super clear, almost looking as though they were peering down at us the same way we were peering up at them. All around us, the ring of spruces and pines rifled in the wind, and a cool wind wisp managed to reach us.
Xander was looking at me so intently, I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead he looked up, pointing, “You know all those stars? You probably know about constellations, but they’re actually related to Greek mythology too.”
I was about to make some quip about how absolutely fascinating that all was, then I saw the look on Xander’s face. It was one of childlike wonder, genuine appreciation. He was telling me something, showing me something about himself, so now wasn’t the time for me to go to into sarcastic mode.
“You see that one?” His finger traced a square and some lines of stars. “That’s Pegasus, the winged horse from Mount Olympus.”
And so it went, the night unraveled around us while I rested my head on Xander’s chest and he pointed out constellation after constellation, told me myth after myth. And when the silence claimed us this time, it wasn’t an uncomfortable one.
