Page 26 of Pretend You're Mine
“Want to dance?” he asked.
No, my good sense screamed.
But my body answered for me. Shaking my hips, we began to dance. Ahead of me, Teren was out of sight, probably flirting with a hot bartender, while Melanie and Jessica were shooting me uncertain looks. I give them a thumbs-up sign. Luckily, they didn’t know that my current issue, as Teren and I had vaguely referred to Xander as during our pre-drink, was here in the flesh. So, I was safe, for now at least.
If safe was grinding against the last guy I shouldn’t have been even speaking to.
But with Sean Paul’s Temperature booming through the room and the feel of Xander pressed behind me, rigid and steady, I couldn’t quite get the memo to my limbs that it was time to get the hell out of here.
Beat after frenetic beat, we danced, each one bringing our bodies closer together, until Xander’s hand snaked around to my stomach.
I broke free.
No way was I going down that road again. Today, I had come to the very adult decision, that being with him was a bad idea. My nerves couldn’t handle this again.
This was just an arrangement.
Striding through the crowd as I left, weaving my way past the almost wall-to-wall throng of people felt invigorating. I could text Teren and the others as soon as I got in a cab, headed home. Right now, the important thing was losing Xander.
One step out in the fresh air, one look back to see no one following me, and I actually thought I’d done it.
I stepped out to the curb, and then someone grabbed my shoulder.
“Naomi.”
“Can’t you just leave me alone?” I asked, hating the whiny quality I heard in my voice.
“No, I can’t just leave you alone,” Xander snapped. His grip on my shoulder tightened. “Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”
I spun around, intending to just burst out with whole ugly load of it, until I saw that there were several people milling about, eyeing us curiously. No way did I want to be a public spectacle, even if I was drunk.
Storming over to a nearby alleyway, I lowered my voice and said, “What’s wrong? What’s right, should be the question. Everything is fucked up. This whole arrangement of yours is causing me more stress than it’s worth. And I don’t want a repeat of the other night.”
“Neither do….” Xander started off, and then shrugged. He let his eyes rove over me for too long, then said, “No, I’m not going to lie. I’d love a repeat of the other night, but I’m sorry this is messing with your head.”
“Not enough to leave me alone, apparently.” Maybe I was being a bitch, but it was high time I was. Xander had played with my feelings for his personal benefit for long enough.
“I’m not stalking you Naomi. I came here tonight with my friends. I wasn’t planning on running into you,” Xander was saying.
“I’m sorry, I must have put a damper in your plans then,” I said, like a petulant child.
Xander rolled his eyes. “You know, I wasn’t the one shaking my ass on a dance floor full of horny Neanderthals looking for a fuck.”
I felt a sudden rage come over me. “I know that this is all just a game to you,” I said. “Just this casual thing where you get what you want out of me and then you throw me aside as soon as you’re done.”
The muscle in Xander’s jaw flexed. “You don’t know a fucking thing,” he spat. “Not one fucking thing.”
“Oh no?” Now I was up in his face, which was making not kissing him even harder, but I didn’t give a shit. I was tired of the game; of the lies and the confusing feelings and all the rest of it. I just wanted it to stop.
“Enlighten me then Xander. Why are you so hot one minute and so cold the next? Why do you make me believe there is something more here only to remind me that there isn’t?” I asked, knowing that I was just as guilty of doing the same to him. But I honestly didn’t think he cared.
Xander held my gaze evenly, his teeth clenched together.
“I’m doing what’s best for you,” he said quietly, “You don’t want to get involved with a guy like me.”
“What does that even mean?” I said, waving my arms in frustration.
Xander sighed heavily and his face suddenly looked exhausted. “Let me get you a cab,” he offered.
“I’m fine,” I said.
But it was too late. Xander had already hailed a cab and was ushering me toward it. He opened the back door for me, and then paused as I was halfway in. “I’m sorry,” he said. “About tonight. About the other night. About all of it.”
And maybe it was sheer madness, or the coating of vodka blurring my sight, but I swore just then that there was absolute clarity in my mind. That it wasn’t just me with these feelings. Xander had them too.
