Page 52 of Pretend You're Mine
Her smile was flummoxed, but my attention had already moved on to the picture of the clasped hands. “And this?”
Her face went red beautifully. “Cut it out, okay?”
She was already through the doorway when my hand caught her wrist. Gazing at the picture, I narrated what I saw, “You see yourself with someone who supports you, brings out the best in you.”
That stopped her.
When I was a teen and had messed up one of my early girlfriends, my mom had sat down and gave me a talk. “There will be big moments in all your relationships, Xander,” she’d told me, “Know when they are. And more importantly, don’t screw them up.”
I couldn’t say what made me think that this was one of them, but it did. Only problem was, with the way a thousand different words were scrambling around in my mind at the same time, I was bound to screw it up.
“Thing is, I do too,” I said. “And Naomi…”
But she didn’t even give me the chance. Whirling around, her face surprisingly pained, she said, “Don’t say it.”
“But…”
“Let’s just get through this family Christmas dinner of yours,” she said hurriedly.
I shut my mouth. Naomi was right, of course. Big moment or not, I hadn’t intended to start some soliloquy about what we were and weren’t. We had to do today, today – and tomorrow, we could figure out tomorrow.
Naomi was already back in the main haircutting area, looking to the front door. “I have to finish up my Christmas wrapping.”
Her tone was light, but I knew a brush-off when I heard one.
I rifled through my wallet, finding bills shoved into different pockets for some stupid reason. “How much do I owe you?”
She put her hand over mind to stop me. “It’s fine.”
“I mean it, I…”
Her hand closed over mine, her voice coming out with effort. “Please.”
It seemed to me, as we stood there, her hand underneath mine, every bit of her as tensed and pained as her voice had been, that this was another one of those moments. And this time, I knew what exactly what to do.
“Fine,” I said. I walked out of there, and I didn’t look back.
30
Naomi
Either I’m delusional or… I’m delusional.
But here I was, my arms laden with Christmas gifts for people that either I would likely not see, or that I probably shouldn’t see; my parents, I got both limited-edition hardbound Bibles, which I’d heard from Teren that they’d been eyeing. For Walter, I got these cute booties I couldn’t say no to. Xander, despite my better judgment, got a Dali wallet. He’d mentioned his love for the artist one time while we were out, even mentioning his favorite painting, although I couldn’t for the life of me remember it. Lately, all our dates had blurred into one, pleasant haze.
I shook my head. There was no point in deliberating over it now. I’d bought the gifts and that was that.
If things blew up with Xander how they were probably bound to, I could just return the gift, plain and simple. Besides, it would be bad form showing up to Xander’s family’s Christmas party tomorrow without any gifts. Speaking of… I hadn’t responded to his text confirming that we were still on.
Seconds after I sent my ‘okay’, my phone was ringing.
“Just okay?” Xander said.
“We didn’t exactly settle things last night,” I pointed out.
“Not for lack of trying,” Xander shot back. A dissatisfied noise. “Walter was inconsolable.”
I couldn’t stop myself from giggling at that. “Anyway. I just wanted to say about you coming. I mean, it’s up to you. If you don’t want to, I mean.” He cleared his throat. “But what I’m trying and failing to say is that you don’t have to go to my family’s Christmas party if you don’t want to. Even though, obviously, I’d love it if you were there.”
I smiled, glad that he couldn’t see me over the line. Xander was usually so put together, that this was adorable.
“I’ll go,” I said.
“Really? he asked, sounding both surprised and relieved. “I can pick you up at six. Be ready.”
My ‘goodbye’ was halfway out of my mouth when he hung up.
I stared at the phone for a minute before putting it down. I was still so conflicted about what was going on. Xander had told me again, with no sex involved, that he wanted to be with me. I could see in his eyes that he’d meant it, but I was too afraid to let myself believe it.
What I had gone through with Eric had really fucked me up worse than I thought it had. I wanted so badly to trust Xander and everything he was telling me, but my damaged heart was stopping me. What if I let myself fall again, only to land in a heap on the floor like Eric had left me?
