Page 30 of Pretend You're Mine
We got there before them (it turned out they were actually going to a pizza stand), and gave our tickets to a grumpy carny who looked annoyed by life itself.
It seemed we barely had time to sit down and close the door behind us, before the Ferris wheel was whining to life.
“I’m liking the cover on these things,” Naomi said, nestling up to me.
“I’m liking the view,” I said, letting my gaze span out to the cityscape of LA. “Coming here was a good idea.”
“It was,” Naomi said staring on ahead, with a forced sort of focus.
I directed her face toward the more impressive cityscape. “Look.”
Just then, the Ferris wheel shuddered to a halt as we reached the top.
I looked at her and a heartbreaking smile crossed her features. I leaned my head down to kiss it away. Our lips moved together as easily as if they’d been doing it forever. When my hands went to her face, feeling the tears, I drew back. “Naomi?”
Naomi’s gaze was once again lost on the cityscape, wiping away the tears hastily. “Forget it.”
Another tear rolled down, and I took her hand. “Please tell me.”
But now her whole face was crinkled in pain as she shook her head. “It’s stupid. I’m just being stupid and ridiculous and…”
“Naomi,” I said firmly.
She rubbed her eyes. “The last time I was here… It was with …” Her body shuddered. And finally, her gaze met mine. “Him.”
My hands fisted. Him, the one she had described as a ‘shitshow of a breakup’.
“We came here in the beginning,” she was saying now. “When things were still good. When I still didn’t know the real him. When I still thought he loved me.”
Another shudder. Her eyes met mine once more.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
Her lips twisted derisively. “Look at me. Just making the same mistakes.”
My hand tightened on the Ferris wheel railing, not caring about its slick wetness. Different responses knifed up my throat, fighting to come out.
But really, I knew. We both did.
We were getting in too deep. I watched her cry, feeling helpless, and every bit like the asshole I was.
I knew that I was falling for her, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that. I couldn’t just open my mouth and tell her that this time didn’t have to become a bad memory. But I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t be the man she needed. The man she deserved. Shit, I barely believed in marriage; in relationships at all.
I was damaged goods, both from my own experiences and from watching my parents’ sham of a union.
If I was being honest with myself, I was terrified to end up like them. Terrified that I would turn out to be like my father and hurt Naomi the way he’d hurt my mother. I couldn’t do it. Not to her. She deserved so much more.
I looked down at the carny to see why we were still sitting up in the air and realized that the dipshit had fallen asleep on the control panel.
“Oh for fuck sake,” I said.
“What?” Naomi asked.
I pointed downward and she broke out into a fit of giggles. The tinkling sound of her laughter brightened my mood immediately and I found myself wishing I could make her laugh like that all the time. It was so much better than making her cry.
“Hey, asshole! Wake up!” I yelled, trying to get his attention, to no avail.
Finally, after a few moments, I took off one of my shoes, aimed carefully and dropped it.
Naomi burst into a loud cheer as the shoe hit its intended target perfectly, bouncing right off the top of the dude’s bald head.
He jumped up with a start and swore as he looked around to see what had happened. Realizing that he had shut down the machine, he pushed the button to get us started again.
“You didn’t have to throw your shoe at me man,” he complained once we reached the bottom.
“Well I wasn’t going to sit up there all day,” I shot back, retrieving my shoe and slipping it back on.
Though her mood had lightened a bit, Naomi still looked sad.
“I’m sorry about up there,” Naomi said. “I shouldn’t have unloaded on you like that.”
“Don’t apologize,” I said. “I’m sorry it brought back such shitty memories.”
“I think we should just go,” she said suddenly.
Whatever I’d been thinking in taking us there, it had been fun, but the moment was gone.
“Okay,” I said.
As I drove her home, the rain started coming down in earnest. The sky was heavy with ominous grey clouds and my windshield wipers were working overtime to clear my field of vision. As I drove, the silence stretched between us, and it was anything but comfortable. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to get out of my damp clothes, to wash all remnants of the last hour from my skin. I had to get control of myself and my emotions or I was going to sink both of us.
