Page 15 of Pretend You're Mine
Aimlessly as my mind turned everything over a hundred times, my hands sifted through my purse, seeking out the Revlon clear lip gloss I was sure I’d packed. But was there really anything to think about? This was pure pretend, and Xander had pretended beautifully. Even with that parting wave and my parents’ happy glances our way, I’d seen in their eyes how genuinely happy they’d been for me.
They’d bought it. Everyone had. Even I almost had, when he’d spun me tight up against his chest with his face all but saying let me kiss you. Part of me felt really guilty about deceiving everyone.
I pulled down the car mirror and reapplied the gloss I’d finally found. That didn’t matter either – it’s not real.
The impromptu dinner invite could be explained away with practicalities also; something to tell his family, an opportunity to get to know each other so we could be more believable the next time. The next time we lied to everyone who loved us. Ugh.
Soon enough, we were pulling up to Sterling. While its outside was nothing to write home about, the inside was pure fantasy fiction land. Everything, and I mean every wall, table, chair and cup, was made of sterling silver.
“First time I came here I was already drunk,” Xander recalled with a one-side smile, as our maître d’ wove us through the scattered tables to whatever one was ours. “Thought I was losing my mind. Turns out this place is just avant-garde as shit.”
“I’m interested to see what the food is like,” I said.
A glance at the tables we passed found dishes of what looked to be salmon, steak, other meats, and some salads that looked lush and fresh Everything was set on, of course, stainless steel plates. Our seating and ordering were fairly quick and efficient and left us no time to chat. It was only once the waitress delivered the wine Xander had requested that talk began to flow more easily.
Sipping his wine, Xander’s gaze found its way to a far-off window and stayed there. “Ever wish you could disappear? Run away for a few months, a year. Somehow, let your family know you were okay, of course, but just put a pause on everything? Give yourself time to think, to really enjoy things.”
I was surprised at the questions. He seemed so settled, so confident, so put-together that I never would have imagined that he felt some of the very same things I did. “Every other day,” I admitted. I took another sip of wine, draining the last of it, although I wasn’t sure that was a great idea. “The past few years, after a total shitshow of a breakup, it started to feel like I was trapped doing the same old things with the same old people. I was so head-down in the day to day of it all that I couldn’t see the opportunities all around me.” I shook my head, setting the glass down with a clink. “But that was before. Now I have Eighteen at least; what I always dreamed of.”
Xander’s expression went curious. “Is it?”
“In some ways more than others,” I admitted. “Starting your own business, you never think about all the grueling hard work and uncertainty; all the risk and overtime. At least I didn’t.”
“Anyway,” I said. “It’s of course still worth it, and it’s only still in the early months, so I expect things will get easier.”
“They will,” Xander agreed.
“Where would you go if you were to disappear?” I asked.
Xander didn’t miss a beat. “Germany.”
“That’s where you said your family is from, right?”
He nodded.
“But that’s not really getting away, is it?”
“Well, I wouldn’t go stay with them.” He was scowling at even the thought. “I’d go into the forest maybe – we have great forests, you know; maybe check out some of the old ruins, just camp around, living off the land.”
“You were a Boy Scout, weren’t you,” I asked, only half-joking.
Xander flickered his brows, then said, “No. They kicked me out.”
I laughed at that. “Anyway, your idea doesn’t sound half-bad.”
“No?”
“No. I actually took German for a year in school.”
“Seriously?” he asked, looking genuinely surprised.
“Seriously – einz vie smy….”
Xander held up a hand, his face mock-pained at my attempt at counting. “Please.”
“I never said I was good at it.”
A smile broke on Xander’s face. “At least you realize it.” Under the table I kicked him, earning me a chuckle. “Hör auf.”
“What?”
“Be careful, you don’t know what they do to naughty women in Germany.”
I swallowed. While I could’ve explained away the burning-hot look he was giving me, there was no mistaking what he’d said. Xander was actually coming on to me.
I reached for my water and took a long swig. I tried to think of something clever to say to change the subject, but my mind was a complete blank.
