Page 45 of Pretend I’m Yours
I didn’t want to stop when she called out to me. I didn’t want to talk to her anymore.
My training told me to finish my mission. I was going to have to go back and hold up my end of the bargain. I told her that I would be there for her until Brandon was gone, and we weren’t sure that he was. I couldn’t walk out on her now because I were too stupid to keep my emotions under control.
Fuck. I couldn’t go back just yet. I was a wreck, and I wouldn’t be able to look at her without breaking down.
Wasn’t I stronger than that? I’d been through worse. I would go to the bar, calm down, and drink a beer. When I was feeling better, I could go back to the house and deal with that shit later. Her parents would be gone by then, and I could tell her that I didn’t want to be part of the argument, so I left.
Brush it off, gloss over the situation, and pretend I didn’t care about any of it.
You’ve gotten damn good at pretending, haven’t you?
I ducked into an old bar I used to visit often. It was nothing like the places I’d been frequenting recently, and I felt a wave of my old self coming back. This was where I belonged. It was going to suck to say goodbye to Hannah, but I’d have to accept it.
She came from a different life, and that was fine with me. I’d done my part, and it was almost time to let her go. I grabbed my phone and texted Brody.
Hey man, sorry to bother you again today, but do you want to shoot some pool? I know you’ve got shit to do, but I need some advice
I hit send. Part of me feel like a pussy asking Brody to hang out with me again after we’d just parted a couple hours before, but if there was anyone who would know what to do in this situation, it was him.
He’d give it to me straight. And, when I hadn’t been straight with myself for weeks, it was time for someone else to be straight with me. He’d tell me how he saw the situation, and exactly what he thought I should do. Brody wasn’t the man to sugar coat anything.
And right now, that’s exactly what I needed.
20
Hannah
“Pick up, pick up, pick up!” I said in frustration as I listened to the ringing of the phone. Once again, I was sent to voicemail, and in frustration I shoved my phone into my purse. “Fuck!”
My heart raced, and the knot in my stomach made it hard for me to bend over and put on my shoes. I gave up trying to untie the laces and just opted for the slip ons. I wanted to put on my running shoes so I could find him as quickly as possible, but I didn’t have the concentration to think clearly enough to deal with laces right now.
My mother had tried to call me shortly after they left, but I didn’t want to talk to her. I sent it to voicemail and once again tried to call Drake. He wasn’t answering any of my calls, and I tried not to let the frustration build inside me.
I was angry with him for not answering, but I was even angrier with myself for what happened. I could blame my parents for it, as they were the entire reason I said the things that I did, but deep down inside, I knew it was the fact that Drake had heard me say what I did that pissed me off.
How could I have been so stupid? His reaction to my words had solidified what I had suspected; that he had feelings for me too. Or at least he did. I’m sure the little show I’d put on for my parents had ended that all too quickly. What the fuck was wrong with me?
I’d be lucky if I ever heard from him again after what I’d said. I was probably the last person he wanted to talk to.
I tried to ignore the negative thoughts that were running through my mind and focus on the positive. I wanted to tell myself I would find him, I would tell him what happened, he would wrap his arms around me, and everything would be okay.
That’s how it worked in the movies, right?
All I had to do is tell him what was really going on, why I said what I did, and what I really felt. Maybe I’d break down as I was trying to explain it to him. I wouldn’t use my tears to manipulate his feelings, but I was done hiding my emotions around him.
I felt sick to my stomach when I thought about the possibility of losing him, and I wasn’t going to let that happen. I had to fight against it with everything that I could. I’d win him back. The way he looked at me told me that he cared. At least to some extent, I knew he cared.
