Page 5 of Sweet Tooth
“Zane,” she remonstrated. “You can’t keep doing this.”
“’Course I can.” The box already unwrapped, I cranked it open and popped a chocolate in my mouth. “Besides, these are for me.”
“Says who?” she said, snatching out for them.
“Says me,” I said, cramming another two in my mouth.
We grinned at each other, then Jess turned around, striding ahead with arms crossed. “You’re such a child.”
“You love it,” I said simply.
She paused, grinned. “Maybe.”
“So about tonight,” I said. “Think I’ll just drive.”
“You sure?” Her gaze was grateful, but surprised.
“Yeah, I’ve been partying too much lately. We’re supposed to be saving.”
Jess said nothing. I’d seen it on her face how she worried about it, the bottles of beer on the counter every night. So far I hadn’t gotten into any trouble, but still… Even if it was the way I handled stress best, my dad was a raging alcoholic. I needed to be careful.
“And we should talk about your school, too,” I said.
Jess froze. “How did you know?”
“The acceptance letter fell out of the garbage as I was taking it out,” I said.
She wouldn’t meet my eye, reached for a chocolate she didn’t put in her mouth.
“I was going to tell you,” she finally said.
“Oh yeah? When?”
Her gaze was on the sidewalk ahead of us, the three blocks-worth of uneven squares of pavement that would lead us to the basement apartment we called home.
She turned to me with rosy cheeks and a frown, hugging herself with the cold. “Zane, c’mon. It’s in California.”
“Yeah and?” I insisted. “That’s where you need to be to take the business program. We’ll handle it.”
As my arms wrapped around her, she looked up at me, her voice quiet. “It’s four years.”
“And we’ve been together three,” I reminded her. “And will be together a whole lot more if I have anything to say about it.”
When she said nothing, I asked flatly, “Do you think it wouldn’t be worth it, doing long-distance? Think it’d be too much work?”
She ripped herself free of my grasp. “How could you say that?”
“What else am I supposed to think?” I asked. “When you won’t even talk to me about it?”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she snapped, grabbing another chocolate and flinging it in her mouth. “I’m not endangering our relationship like that.”
“I could move there in a few months, get a job,” I said, and as she reached for another chocolate, mid-chew of the first, stopped her. “Stop angry eating and let’s talk about this.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she said again, her hand darting past mine to get to the chocolate. “I’m not going, and that’s it. You say now that you could handle four years apart, visits twice a year if we’re lucky, but you don’t know. Distance changes people.”
“Jess.” I took her hand, covered it in both of mine. “Just because your dad…”
I trailed off, talking into thin air. Jessica had stridden ahead, without so much as a look back. When I caught up to her, she allowed me to take her hand.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I know I’m being unreasonable, but can we just not talk about this for tonight? It’s New Year’s Eve, Zane.”
“Ok,” I said. I got out a chocolate and handed it to her. “Anything for my girl.”
She smiled, taking a bite then holding the chocolate in her lips. I went down to kiss her and claim the other half.
As we made our way back to our apartment, we chatted easily, although my mind wasn’t in it. It kept returning to our unfinished conversation, the one that hadn’t been settled for months now.
Walking into our apartment brought things into razor-sharp perspective again quickly.
We made our way in with our jackets still on through our main room to turn on the two space heaters, mouthing each other a melodramatic ‘again’, as the dog howled overhead of us.
I slung myself onto the armchair as Jess flitted around, getting ready for the New Year’s party we were going to. I allowed myself a dismal look around. Yep, this shithole was the best I could make do for me and the love of my life.
It wasn’t either of our faults. Jess had put off going to college when her dad had disappeared, worried sick. And then I’d failed out last year of high school when my dad went off the rails.
We’d scraped by since with cashier jobs and Jess’s ok waitressing job. But her boss was a dick, and where we were living was loud, cold, and shitty. The past two years had shown no sign of improvement, either.
Sure, with Jess, even if I’d had to live on the streets it would’ve been bearable. But it was galling too. I’d wanted so much more for my girl, but now I came home so tired all I could do was lie in bed with her and drink so my back would stop aching.
