Page 69 of The Chaperones

Stella, the art teacher

“I don’t like to talk about it,” Travis says as he rocks his body. “But now that we’re here . . .”

I rest my hand on Travis’s back, and he stops rocking. I move my hand up to his hair, brushing my fingers through it. “You can tell me.”

He inches toward me until there is no space between our bodies. I hold him in my arms as he begins. “I was twenty.”

His voice is so steady I can hear the fear in it. I hug him tighter.

“I thought we were going to get married and have babies and run a farm or some shit.” He chuckles a little at this. “I’d never even been on a farm.” I smile even though it’s too dark for him to see it. Maybe he can feel my support, how much I want to understand. “Her parents never liked me. She was their golden child. They wanted her to go to Harvard, and there I was, a college dropout, four years older. They wanted me out of her life.”

I hold him tighter, resting my head on his, so I can smell my shampoo in his hair. It seems impossible that this morning we were in my apartment, that he was in my shower and my bed.

“I always knew. Even when I was imagining us on that farm or whatever, I always knew that she’d go off to college and we’d break up. Maybe that’s why I tried to hold on to her so tightly, because I knew our time together wouldn’t be long enough. I never—you have to believe me, I loved her. I would never . . . but they couldn’t just wait for her to go away to college and dump me. They had to punish me for falling in love with her, for giving her something besides school. They were out to get me.”

He hugs me so hard it feels like my rib cage might break. I gasp at the pain. He misunderstands and holds me tighter. I can’t breathe. I don’t know how to tell him he’s hurting me.

“They made her go to the police, file a report. Say I raped her. It was total bullshit, but it would have ruined my future. So I gave them what they wanted. I used my inheritance to pay them off, the greedy fucks, and they dropped the charges. They didn’t have to tell me to stay away from their daughter. After that, I wanted fuck all to do with her. I still don’t. With you and Cassie here . . . I wanted you to hear it from me. It messed me up for a long time. It still does. Cassie knows how I get when things start to turn serious. That’s why I didn’t want to tell her about us. Because I knew she’d worry. Scare you off.”

I let out a breath as Travis loosens his hold on me. He lifts his head from my shoulder to gauge my reaction. Tears sting my eyes. I feel so much for the boy he once was, the man he might have become if he hadn’t been taught not to trust, the man I will help heal. He takes my face in his hands and sucks the tear that trickles down my cheek. Then he kisses me like he wants to inhale me. Although I usually like it when he’s forceful with me, right now, it’s too much teeth mashing, too much tongue, too much body on top of mine as he lays me down and presses his entire weight on top of me. The door to our tent remains open, lit up by his lantern. It’s so dark outside, I feel like there’s a spotlight on us, and even though we’re secluded, we’re also exposed. Anyone could see us.

“Travis,” I say, pushing gently on his shoulder. He’s too busy pulling the zipper of my jacket down with his teeth to hear me. His face is at my hips, and he’s pulling down the waistband of my pants. I feel a shock of cold between my thighs and scream, “Travis, stop.”

He’s not stopping. My pants are off, and he runs his lips up my thigh, toward my crotch. When he’s about to stick his tongue inside me, I press my hand firmly into the crown of his head.

“Stop,” I scream louder than I intend. He releases me, and I scramble to sit, zipping up the jacket and hugging my naked legs to my torso.

Travis brushes the hair that fell into his face and stares at me. I expect to see remorse on his face. Embarrassment, even. Instead, there’s coldness. And anger.

In his demeanor, in his rapid and shallow breath, I know it’s all true. What he did to that girl when he was twenty. The charges her family filed against him. What he did to Sawyer in the art room. The claims Mona made against him too.

Cassie wasn’t trying to scare me off. She was trying to protect me.