Page 76 of Cold November Rake

She flinched, the old shame rising hot behind her eyes.

"I thought," she said, pressing her knuckles to her lips, "that if I made you jealous, it would win your attention when begging for forgiveness had not."

"Well, it did not."

"No." She drew a breath and lowered her hand. "And perhaps it is a good thing that it did not."

He curled an eyebrow. "How so?"

"I was young," she said. "Selfish. I thought I had made a silly little mistake that you were obliged to understand and forgive. I did not see it as the betrayal it was. In my own mind, I was the victim of circumstance. I was terribly immature." Her voice wavered. "To be frank, I do not know why you loved me at all."

He let out a low, rumbling chuckle, which startled her.

"I suppose I loved you," he said, "because you were carefree. Warm. Bright as sunshine. You were impulsive, never dull, and you had a fire in your eyes that I thought burned for me." His mouth quirked, a little ruefully. "I was wrong about that, as it turned out."

"You were not," she said softly, stepping closer. "You think our courtship was an act, but it was not. I might not have loved you then, but I knew I could grow to. That is why I agreed to marry you. It was not a scheme to get back at Dan—Viscount Landen—or an attempt to forget him. I did want to escape my parents' house, and yes, I wanted to move on from Landen⁠—"

"That is not what you told him the night before our wedding," he interrupted harshly.

She bit her lip so hard it hurt. "That was a lapse of judgment. As I said, I was young and foolish, and I like to believe that I have changed in the last seven years, and so have you." A pause. "However, I hope the qualities you loved in me are still intact, and that you can see them. See me. And this time, I can see you as well, and appreciate you for who you are in ways I could not then."

She licked her lips, and then, carefully, as though handling something that might shatter, she pressed her hand to his cheek. He did not pull away.

"I felt partial to you from the moment I met you," she said. "My heart was not free then, but I did not use you to mend it. I truly believed I could learn to love you. I ought to have told you the truth from the start and let you decide whether that was an arrangement you could accept. I cannot change that now." Her hand slid from his cheek, and she folded both hands at her waist to keep them from trembling.

He looked deeply into her eyes. "And what arrangement are you seeking now?"

"A child is something we both need," she said. "But honestly, that is not why I came to London. Securing an heir was also an excuse to get close to you, in the hope that you might come to care for me again. Even if you cannot love me as you once did, I hope you will value my company enough not to banish me a second time. I hope you will trust me enough to know I will never hurt you that way again." Her throat tightened. "That is the truth. And it is a truth I knew you would not believe had I told you that the night I came back. But perhaps you will now."

Sutton was silent for a long moment. Then he reached out and gently unfolded her hands, taking one in his. His thumb moved over her knuckles, a movement so slight she might have imagined it.

"For me to trust you," he said at last, "I need you to be completely honest with me."

"I am."

He dropped her hand and stalked back to the desk. She followed.

He absently fingered the papers, not meeting her gaze.

She leaned her hips against the desk's edge, so close to him the sleeve of her gown brushed his elbow. He took a step, stopping in front of her. She had to tilt her head back to meet his eyes.

"Then tell me honestly." His eyes held hers. "Why are you here, Temperance?"

She blinked. "Here in London?"

"In this room." His voice dropped. "You walked in with a posset in your hand, a smile on your lips, and a dressing gown that barely hides your... skin."

Heat rushed up her throat.

"I could not sleep," she said honestly. "Because you were not beside me. I came looking for you."

Something flickered across his face. "You want me to come to bed?"

She nodded.

"So that you can sleep?"

She lifted her gaze to meet his. "No. I do not want to sleep."