Page 84 of Reticent

“We’ve noticed some erratic changes in the baby’s heart rate due to stress,” Dr. Kahn says. “I’m afraid we can’t wait any longer. We need to perform an emergency c-section right now.”

A type of dread I’ve never experienced and wouldn’t wish on anyone washes over me. I nod swiftly as tears roll down my cheeks.

Hunter squeezes my hand. “Dr. Kahn.” His voice is deceptively calm. “I’m trusting you with the two most important people in my life. Do not fuck this up.”

She gives him a curt nod.

“Love you, Yas,” Niko calls from across the room.

“We’ll be right here,” Skylar says.

“Let’s go meet our boy.” Hunter presses a hurried kiss to my lips as they prepare to wheel me out.

* * *

Liam Emmett Demalio was born at 10:23 a.m. by emergency c-section, weighing eight pounds even and measuring twenty-one inches.

The moment they put him on my chest, my heart became whole. Tears prickled my eyes as Liam stopped crying, blinking at me with curious eyes.

“Look at our guy,” Hunter said, kissing our son and me as his tears wet us both. It was a beautiful moment that will live in my memory forever.

I’m back in my room after spending a couple of hours in recovery. We’ve had visits and calls from our friends and family all day and enough flower deliveries to fill a florist shop. It’s been a day filled with so much love and joy and a little bit of stress as I acclimate to things like breastfeeding, which looks easier than it is. The exhaustion is real as the pain from my incision, but having Liam here makes it all worth it.

“He’s so perfect,” Hunter says, standing across the room, cradling Liam in his arms. It’s one o’clock in the morning, and Liam’s wide awake. I’m lying in the bed, focusing on my two loves. “I think he may be hungry.”

Already? I just fed him an hour ago. “Okay.” I adjust the queen-size hospital bed by its remote, elevating the backrest to the most comfortable angle for breastfeeding.

“I’ll change his diaper first.”

“You can change him over here.” I wince at the stinging pain in my lower abdomen.

“Is it time for your pain pills?” Hunter joins me on the bed, putting Liam on the mattress between his legs.

“Not yet. Make sure he doesn’t pee on you like last time.”

“Lesson learned.” Hunter changes Liam’s diaper and hands him over to me, aligning him with my breasts. Neither Liam nor I am very good at this, and it’s taking a while for him to latch on properly. I feel like a failure. Hunter tries to help by offering suggestions, which is no help at all.

“You have no idea how hard this is.”

“I know that. But the lactation consultant said—”

“I know what she said. And I’m trying, but he won’t latch on. And it hurts.”

“Should I call the nurse?”

“No.” We’ve called our private nurse to our room more times than I’d like to admit. Hunter says it’s what we paid for, but it only makes me feel inept.

Hunter yawns, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. I know he’s tired. Not as much as I am, but close. “We’ll do whatever you want,” he says, rubbing my back. “We can give him formula, if that’s something—”

“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t want to do that.”

“We won’t, then.” He leans over and kisses the side of my head.

Tears slip from my eyes, and Hunter wipes away every single one. I love you. The words are so close to tumbling out of my mouth, but I know better.

By some miracle or sheer pity for my impending breakdown, Liam finally latches on. “Oh, thank God.” I sigh in pure relief.

“Are you comfortable? Would you like more pillows?” Hunter asks.