Page 16 of Project Duke

“Does that mean you’re reconsidering my proposal?” he asked.

* * *

Calliope looked over her shoulder at Grandmama, who walked ten steps behind them. Grandmama caught her gaze and raised her eyebrow questioningly. If only Grandmama could imagine that Kelford had just proposed to her and was trying to convince her to say yes.

What would she say? And why was Grandmama even helping her at all? Why hadn’t she forbidden her to see Kelford just like Preston had? As one of the most influential ladies in London, she knew everything that went on in the ton and knew Kelford was bad news.

Kelford had asked if she was reconsidering…and was she?

The thought of him being her husband both filled her with dread and covered her body with sweet tingles.

Grandmama had once told her in confidence not to marry without love. She knew what it was like. Though, with time, she had learned to love her husband.

Calliope herself had grown up raised by two parents who were incredibly happy. That was, happy enough to produce four children.

But was it only the thought of William as her husband—a thought that filled Calliope with prickly disgust and cold dread—that made standing at the altar with Kelford seem quite appealing?

Of course, she didn’t know if Kelford would be the same as William. If he would think her a whore, a woman with disgusting habits. But, from what she knew about rakes, between her and Kelford, it would be he who was much more experienced.

If their genders were reversed, Nathaniel would be condemned as a whore while Calliope would be merely applauded for reading arousing literature and enjoying herself doing it.

“Are you reconsidering?” asked Kelford again, still awaiting her reply.

His face bore no signs of emotion, but his eyes were twinkling, his pupils large and dark. He looked at her as though he didn’t see anyone else in the world.

She supposed she was thinking it over. If he didn’t object to her investigative agency, having a husband would actually be an advantage. She wouldn’t need to worry about her brothers. She wouldn’t have to watch her every step guarding her maiden’s reputation. She wouldn’t need to live with Grandmama anymore… As much as she loved Grandmama and Miss Furrington, it meant needing to take her as chaperone practically everywhere. So inconvenient when one had to sneak into the Admiralty or other places forbidden for ladies.

So, perhaps, there was something about his proposal that made sense.

It was only that thought of having babies with him that filled her with unease. Not the idea of having children per se; she liked children and had always enjoyed the idea of being a mother.

It was the act of conceiving a child that filled her with dread. The memory of that painful pinch on her neck at the very moment when she felt pleasure like bathing in honey, thinking of William…

Logically, she knew the act could be pleasurable. The book said so.

But there was nothing logical in her body’s revulsion and fear at the thought of being open and vulnerable like that with a man. The thought of being weak and giving up control.

However her body reacted to the thought of the act itself, she knew that if she had to choose between William and Nathaniel, her choice was clear.

She’d marry almost anyone but William. She’d be safe from his attentions, his advances. She’d never have to see him again. She’d be free from his threats and his blackmail, too.

She’d just have to endure the sex.

And once she gave Nathaniel an heir, she could start her agency.

“You will allow me to do anything I want after I give you the heir?” she confirmed. “Do you promise?”

“Within reason.”

“Yes, that is what I meant. And reason being no lovers.”

“Yes.”

“And you will help me in any way possible to find out what happened to Spencer?”

“Yes. And I will shoot Huntingham from the balcony to make sure he doesn’t bother you again.”

That made her chuckle, and she bit her lip to stop herself from grinning. “Thank you, but there’s no need. If anyone would shoot my suitors, it will be me.”