Page 100 of Project Duke

Hazel’s eyes were as sharp as two shards of ice cutting through him. “Everyone’s well.”

There was a strange note at the end of her “well” that raised an alarm in Nathaniel’s gut. “What? What is it?”

“It’s just that Calliope…she’s well, really…”

He gripped the back of the single chair he had in the room. “Except?”

Hazel sighed out deeply in resolution. “Except she can’t seem to stop emptying her stomach, brother.”

He stilled. “Oh.”

“She’s pale and weak, and the only thing she seems to tolerate somewhat is salt and bread.”

“Did you call a physician?”

“No, she refuses.”

He sat down in the chair as his knees suddenly felt too weak to hold his body. This could be a sure sign she was pregnant…right? And if she was…

Regret slashed at him. He had wanted to be there for her, to ride out to fetch a physician despite her protests, to bring her water, to hold her hair if she needed to vomit, to take care of her.

“And she’s not going out and trying to find her brother…do any more investigations?”

Hazel shook her head. “She couldn’t even if she wanted to, being sick like that.”

Nathaniel nodded, fighting the urge to jump up and run through the door to help his wife.

“Why are you hiding here, anyway?” Hazel asked.

He was so tired he put his head into his hands and dug his fingers into his hair. He was tired of fighting his love for Calliope, tired of imagining everything that could go wrong and all the things that could take her from him. He was tired of keeping himself away when his body, heart, and soul ached to be near her.

“I can’t stand seeing her in danger, Hazel,” he said, feeling like his throat was full of gravel. “It seems I’m unable to keep people I care about safe. I’ve tried to do what I thought was best to make sure she was unharmed, but I only ended up hurting her. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like I treated her. It’s best I remove myself from the situation.”

Hazel sat down on the edge of his bed.

“Brother, is this because you couldn’t save our mother?”

He looked at her so sharply his neck clicked painfully. “How did you know?”

She pursed her lips and looked at her hands. “I remember everything.”

He went cold all over. “What?”

“I remember. I thought for years it was a bad dream.”

His eyes blurred from tears, and he wiped them away quickly. “Oh, Hazel. I thought you were too little to remember.”

“It’s all quite blurry and strange. I was in a carriage alone with the twins. It was dark. I looked out of the window and there you were…fighting the highwaymen like a hero from a book. But you were alone. There was no one else to fight beside you but Mama. And she protected you.”

Nathaniel sighed deeply. He couldn’t deny it. Couldn’t tell her she had imagined it all. That would be a lie.

All he could do was surrender to the truth.

“I’m sorry you remember it,” he said.

She sighed. “It is the only thing I remember about Mama. I’d rather have that memory than no memory at all like the twins.”

Nathaniel walked to the bed and sat down next to his sister, taking her hands in his. They were small and cold, and he cupped his hands around hers to warm them.