Page 84 of Clean Finish

“Do what feels right,” Holt said steadily, then released me and huffed. “It’s particularly horrifying to see Larkin Fairchild so sad. I’ve never seen you sad before. I didn’t think it was possible. You’re like… the sun. But one that never sets, so eventually the constant daylight starts driving you a little crazy, but you still like it for some reason.”

I smiled weakly. “Thanks. Um, I think. I don’t get sad all that often, I guess.”

“Well, I’m sorry you’re feeling that way now.” He paused. “Do you want to head home early?”

Holy crap. This was weird. Holt was being all… nice. He’d listened to me and given me advice and hadn’t told me I was a moron for getting myself into this situation.

“Um…” I had no freaking idea how to act around Seb right now, which wasn’t his fault, but the thought of sitting in the office with him made me break out in a panicked sweat. “Um, maybe. If that’s okay.”

“Sure. Finish your drink and take off.”

“Thanks, Holt.” I quickly gulped down another mouthful and stood, then froze. “Oh. Shit. My keys are on my desk.”

Holt watched me intently. “You don’t want to go get them?”

“I just…” I squirmed. “I feel… weird right now.”

After a beat of silence, he nodded. “Okay. No problem. I’ll get them for you. Come on.”

I trailed after him out of the arena and back down the corridor to the office, then waited anxiously outside while he went in.

“Hey, Seb,” I heard him say casually.

“Is Larkin okay?” Seb asked immediately. There was a rustle and a creak. I pictured him putting down his crossword book and standing up from the couch.

“He’s feeling a little under the weather, so he’s heading home.” There was a jangle of metal. “Just grabbing his keys for him. Jesus Christ, how long has this mug been on his desk? There’s an entire colony growing in here.”

“Oh.” Seb’s voice was hoarse, and my chest went all tight at the sound of it. He sounded so… sad. I wanted to make him feel better. “Alright. I… hope he feels better soon.”

“I’ll pass that on.”

I jumped when Holt reappeared, slipping back through the door and closing it behind him. His brows rose meaningfully as he walked toward me and held out my keys. Before I could turn away after taking them, his hand landed on my shoulder and squeezed.

“You should definitely tell him,” he whispered. “Trust me.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

The Loss of Hope (7 Letters)

Seb

I’d fucked up.

I was a bit of a mess for the rest of the day at work. But quietly. Subtly, in a way no one even noticed. I sat rigidly on the couch for most of the afternoon, staring down with unseeing eyes at my crossword. I didn’t fill a single thing in. It felt wrong to even sit in here without Larkin.

I’d reacted badly when he said he’d told Kit we were dating. It had been painful to hear, knowing it wasn’t true and wasn’t a possibility. And it had made me realise that I’d started to let myself… hope. Especially after last night. When he’d clung to my hand while I was sucking him off, then nestled himself against my chest, warm and naked and relaxed. Then stayed to hang out for the rest of the evening. Then curled into my side and leaned his head on me while we were watching the movie.

Yeah, I’d stupidly started to let fragile hope blossom. Which was so fucking foolish. I was making this so much worse for myself.

After Holt had grabbed his keys for him earlier, I’d sat there completely still for about ten minutes, my heart beating too hard and too fast. Then I’d fumbled with my phone and texted him, worrying that he didn’t want to see me or speak to me but unable to stop myself.

I hope you feel better soon

It was a pathetic text. There were plenty of other things I should’ve said. He’d seemed flustered and upset after I’d gotten cold and distant earlier, trying to protect myself. I shouldn’t have been so blunt. This was all new to him—he didn’t know how to navigate any of it. Although neither did I, to be honest.

I almost sent him another text saying I missed him, the ache in my chest growing hard to ignore, but I stopped myself. I couldn’t do that. It would just confuse things even more. It wasn’t fair.

But I did. I missed him.