Page 52 of Upstate

“I do. I’m not hoping for happiness myself, though. For me, it’s just about surviving.”

“It’s about survival for me, too.” He points at the water heater. “Are you finished?”

“Just about.” I turn the well pump back on, then open the valve so the water tank can fill. Finally, I flip the breaker, watching the indicator that tells me the appliance is working. “Looks good, Eric.”

“Can we get out of this basement now?”

“Sure thing,” I say. Whenever my dad and I finished a job together, we’d high-five and hug to celebrate. Even though it’s a job well done, I miss him too much to feel celebratory. As I lug the toolbox up those basement stairs, all I’m looking forward to is a hot shower.

Eric follows me up with the packaging. Sunshine warms our faces as we rip off our dusty masks. Wren comes over to greet us. “How did it go?”

I open my mouth to tell him about the successful installation. Eric speaks first. “I told her.”

“And the world didn’t end?” Wren says, stepping close to Eric—too close, I think, watching the yards between them shrink to inches.

“No, it didn’t.” Eric places his big hands on either side of Wren’s smooth face and kisses him.

“Oh!” I exclaim, stunned to realize they’ve gone from friends to lovers without my knowing.

“I asked Wren not to say anything about us until I had the chance to come out to you,” Eric says.

“Yeah, no, that’s cool. Congratulations, guys.”

They turn to one another and smile. The spark of something new is so sweet to see it makes my heart ache for all I’ve lost.

Chapter 25

April 14, 2015

Schuywich, New York

My darling Evelyn,

I didn’t stop wanting children, but after the fight we had on the drive to Albany, I never mentioned it again. Besides, for a few hours that afternoon, it seemed like the universe had heard my whispered wish and granted it as best it could. Like Saint Teresa said, though, more tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones.

The image of my brother I carried in my mind must have been stuck somewhere in childhood, because the Billy who got off that train was a foot taller than I remembered. Though he’d finished college a year younger than the other graduates, he was coming home from Vietnam a grown man, and a husband, too. It took me a moment to recognize in him the scrawny, awkward kid I’d looked after most of my life.

Billy hadn’t noticed us on the platform yet. After handing his luggage off to a porter, he reached back for his wife. Mai stepped down into his waiting arms. Her loose dress was so stylish I assumed she’d gone shopping in Manhattan. When she turned, sunshine shimmered through the brightly printed cotton, revealing the outline of her figure like a puppet in a shadow play.

I blinked. You saw it, too. I could tell from the way you touched the small of my back, as if anticipating the need to prop me up.

“Did you know?” you whispered.

I shook my head. I expected they’d have children someday, but Billy never so much as hinted Mai was pregnant.

“Hazel!” Billy bounded over and lifted me off my feet in a bear hug. He put me down, then hugged you, too, before running back to grab Mai by the hand.

“This is To Thi Mai,” he said, presenting her to us like a prize he’d won. “This is my sister, Hazel, and her friend Evelyn.”

“Enchantée, ma chère sœur.” Mai kissed both my cheeks, then stood on tiptoe to do the same to you. “Ma chère amie.”

You covered up your surprise at being kissed by slapping Billy on the back. “Aren’t you a sly one! Congratulations, you two.”

“Thanks, Evie.”

I should have echoed your congratulations. Instead, I blurted out, “How could you not tell me there’s a baby on the way?”

Billy shrugged. “You’re the one who wanted me to keep Mom and Dad in the dark about Mai until they met her.”