Page 102 of The Run Back Home

It's the first time either of us has brought up her leaving since our kiss in the park. Not because I forgot about it. Hell, besides V, it's all I've thought about. But because when I'm with her, it's hard to see beyond the moment.

Past the good.

But that's always been the problem.

"It's harder when you like the hospital. The city." She pauses. I see her peer up at me quickly from the corner of my eye before looking forward again. "The people."

"How'd you get into that, anyway?"

That tension stretches like a RubberBand, taking up room and pushing the words out of my mouth. I'm not mad about it, though. I've wanted to ask that question—to know that answer—since I first found out that's what she does.

Again, I feel her look up at me, but I keep my eyes locked on the dirt, not quite as ready to watch her say it as I might be to hear it.

"After everything happened, Mage just didn't feel the same," she admits.

The muscles in my arm flex behind her.

"But there wasn't any other place that felt like home either."

"Mhmm," I hum, my teeth clenched. Thinking. Processing.

"That made moving difficult and settling anywhere permanently even harder. So, when I found out about travel nursing, it seemed like the perfect solution."

The band snaps.

"Did it?"

Now my head swings in her direction.

Lenny pulls back, her brow creased.

I suck in a deep breath, steadying myself, then prop my elbow up on the back of her chair and rub my forehead with my first two fingers. "I'm sorry, Len," I say softly, shifting closer and placing my free hand on her knee. "I'm really not trying to be a dick here. But you have to help me understand."

She swallows hard, her eyes glossy.

"If any of this is going to happen—to keep happening—you have to make it make sense to me," I tell her—I beg.

"Make what make sense?" she asks, her voice thick.

I try to keep my head clear while I answer. "You didn't want to leave Mage Hollow to stay with me—you couldn't, you said. But you'll leave to bounce from place to place, never really… staying anywhere?"

She works her jaw, squaring her shoulders, her eyes fixed on mine. "Yes."

That's it. That's all she says.

I pull both hands into my lap, needing space. Needing… something.

Distance? Answers? Relief?

"Okay?" I question, my tone clipped, sounding about as pained as I feel. "That's… that's pretty fucking shitty, Lenny. Don't you see that?"

She leans forward, and I freeze—not moving back but not meeting her either. Her hands slip into mine, and I consider everything but pulling away.

"Jace." Her voice is soft. Calm. Soothing. And when she smiles softly, it settles me more than I'd expect it to at a time like this. "There wasn't another place that felt like home because home wasn't a place."

I hang on to her every word.

Lenny tightens her grip, then leans forward an inch more.