Page 21 of Fear Me Not

“Is she okay?” he asks, his voice gruff.

My brother’s need to check on Aspen’s welfare has driven him from hiding.

“Yes, she is. She’s gotten up and eaten, and fought with us both,” I tell him. “She’s pretty pissed about everything, but that’s understandable.”

He hangs his head. “I did the wrong thing, didn’t I? I ruined everything.”

He’s talking about that fucking asshole of a boyfriend. People might think Dov lost his capacity for empathy upon his brain injury, but that’s not true at all. If anything, he feels things more strongly—far more than I do—he just doesn’t know what to do with those feelings. He’s obsessed with Aspen now, probably like the rest of us are. That he’s here now says a lot.

I shoot a glare at our father. “No, it wasn’t you.”

He saved her. Twice. Once from Tobias assaulting her in her sleep and a second time from the side of the mountain. I’ve never been a fan of his cameras. I haven’t liked feeling as though I’m being watched all the time. Not that he has cameras in my room, but still. It’s part of the reason I like to get out into the mountains and woods. There’s no one watching me there. I can be free. But now I’m endlessly grateful for both the fucking cameras and Dov’s obsession with watching Aspen. If he hadn’t, he’d never have seen her leave and wouldn’t have known to go after her.

It’s another thing I’m silently blaming our father for. Blake should have known she’d run after confronting him. How had he not read her mood? But instead, he’d let her go, and we’d almost lost her.

Blake thinks he’s the one who guides us, but he’s the one who keeps fucking up. He let her go, and before that, he’d allowed the boyfriend onto our property. If he’d either sent him away the moment he’d arrived, or gone after her, knowing how upset she was, we wouldn’t be in this position now. She wouldn’t hate us. He keeps misjudging situations, and he won’t admit to it. His fucking pride rules his head. When’s he going to finally admit that he might not know it all, and he doesn’t always get things right?

I wish Aspen could see the effect she’s already had on my brother. If she understood how unusual it is for him to interact with us like this, she might understand how important her presence is.

13

ASPEN

My muscles still ache from the accident, and, despite having warmed up a little, I can’t shake the chill that’s worked its way right down to the bone. Is it because of the car crash, and being out in the snow, or does it go deeper because it’s my fear of this place and the future?

What’s going to happen when the snow thaws? I almost don’t want to think about it. I’ll be able to leave, but will I want to? I should hate these men for what they’ve done to me, but still my heart aches. I’ve gotten used to sleeping, knowing Dov is watching over me. I’ve grown to love the security Blake provides me. And I even enjoy the sexual taunting I get from Levi. Who will I be if I leave here without them?

I don’t know, but surely I’ll need to figure that out?

I head into the bathroom and lean over the tub to turn on the faucet. The pipes are old and creaky, and they glug and chug, water sputtering a little before a fully hot stream pummels the old porcelain. Steam rises into the air, filling the space with fog. I add a little bubble bath and wait until there’s a decent amount of water in the tub before I start to carefully remove my clothes.

Standing naked, I inspect my injuries again. The bruising seems to have gotten even darker. It’s a miracle I wasn’t more badly hurt. I could be dead right now.

At the thought, a memory jumps into my head.

Someone had been standing in the road. That was the reason I’d swerved and ultimately crashed. My heart lurches. I’d seen a young woman, I’m sure of it, no matter what Blake says. I remember seeing her clearly, the long, white, old-fashioned dress, the blonde hair, the look in her eyes as she’d stared directly through the windshield into mine. But how could someone have been out there? It’s impossible. Could it have been an animal or even a snow drift? I’d been panicking and stressed, and the visibility had been bad. It was far more likely that I’d imagined things than there had actually been a woman standing in the middle of the road during a snowstorm.

Even so, the possibility worries me. Perhaps they’d had a vehicle breakdown and were seeking help? But I hadn’t been far from the hotel, so the person would have made their way up here, right? I hadn’t hit them with Blake’s truck, I’m sure of it. I’d swerved in time. So they would have either come to check to see if I was all right or would at least have gotten Dov’s attention when he’d come to rescue me. I know Dov is huge and scary looking, but if someone was stranded during a snowstorm, surely they’d still want his help?

The most rational explanation was simply that I’d imagined things. It wasn’t as though it was the first time I’d seen something strange around here.

With the bath full enough, I lift one foot and gingerly dip my toes into the water. It’s slightly too hot, but I know that’s down to my body temperature, and I’m sure I’ll get used to it quickly enough. I sink the rest of my calf down and then climb in with the other leg. I give myself a moment to acclimatize and lower my body into the steamy water.

With a sigh of pleasure, I lie back, allowing the hot water to wash over me.

I remind myself not to take little luxuries, like being able to lie in a deep bath of water, for granted. If I were to leave Windridge Hall, and the men within its walls, there would be no more baths for a while. The best I’d probably be able to manage would be a wash at a restroom sink somewhere. I wouldn’t be able to return to my hometown—not that there is anyone there for me anyway.

Tobias is dead. My stomach knots at the thought.

People will be bound to ask questions about his disappearance. It’s not as though he’s close to his parents, and they’d been off doing some tour around Europe, so it might be they don’t even realize he’s missing yet, but surely some of his friends would have raised the alert? Did he tell anyone where he was going? I hope not. Otherwise, come the spring when access to the hotel reopens, we're likely to have a visit from some out-of-state cops. I assume we'll all just say that he visited me and then left and we haven't heard from him since, but will that look suspicious? If the police were to bring forensic teams into the hotel, would they find traces of Tobias’s blood? I have no idea how good the cleanup was, but the thought terrifies me. I was the one who fought with Tobias, and I was the one who caused him to hit his head. While I might not have a roof over my head if I were to leave here, the option of that roof being provided by the county jail isn't exactly what I'm looking for. Would it be better for us to say Tobias never arrived? If the others did a good job in getting rid of any evidence, then surely it's possible that he simply never made it to the hotel? We could even dump his car off the side of mountain somewhere, and by the time it was found, no one would be any the wiser as to the cause of his death.

I can barely believe I’m thinking all this through. I’m planning to cover up a murder. What kind of person does that make me?

I close my eyes and sink deeper, allowing my head to submerge beneath the water. I hold my breath, oxygen trapped in my lungs, and squeeze my eyes shut. The water sounds hollow around me, but I’m warm and cocooned.

Still beneath the water, I open my eyes⁠—

I’m surrounded by blood.