Page 96 of Face Off

“I know how it sounds.”

“It sounds fucking insane,” Aura said. “For both of you.”

“It probably is.”

“You’re in love with him.”

“I told him that.”

Aura’s eyes widened. “Tonight?”

“Before we had sex.”

“And he still told you this was only for the weekend?”

“Yes.”

Bliss’s face tightened with worry. “Babe, Ryan was destroyed after you two ended.”

The words landed differently now that I had felt the remnants of that destruction beneath my hands.

“I know I hurt him.”

“No.” Bliss touched my arm. “You know what happened between you. You didn’t see what happened after.”

The room became quieter.

Aura rested her water bottle on her knee. “He hasn’t been the same.”

“What does that mean?”

They exchanged a look I didn’t understand. Bliss’s fingers tightened around my arm while Aura lowered her eyes to the water bottle balanced against her knee.

“Aura.”

Silence.

“What aren’t you saying?”

“I’m trying to tell you what changed without telling Ryan’s story for him,” Aura said.

Bliss nodded too quickly. “Some of it has to come from him.”

Their answer left a strange pressure beneath my ribs, but before I could decide whether to push, Aura continued.

“He cut everyone off,” she said. “Not completely, and never in a way we could accuse him of disappearing. He answered when someone pushed hard enough. He showed up when one of the guys needed him. But the part of Ryan who allowed people to reach him was gone.”

Bliss nodded. “He became quieter.”

“Ryan was always quiet.”

“Not like that,” she said. “You know how he used to sit back and watch everyone because he was paying attention? After you, it felt like he watched because he didn’t want to participate.”

My throat tightened.

Aura continued carefully. “He trained. Played hockey. Went to therapy. Fucked women, apparently. He did everything someone is supposed to do when moving forward.”

“He didn’t move forward,” Bliss said. “He built something around the place where it hurt.”