Page 236 of Face Off

“You don’t get to put that on me.”

“I’m not!”

“You are standing there telling me you fell apart because I left.”

“I fell apart because I finally had to see what I had done!” Her voice rises until it cracks. “You didn’t cause my illness. You didn’t know I was sick, and I made damn sure you couldn’t know. I was already starving myself. I was already standing in mirrors tearing apart every inch of my body. I was already taking every fear and failure I couldn’t control and forcing it into the one place where I believed I could make it disappear.”

Her hands slide down her body with enough violence to lock my jaw.

“This was happening before you loved me. It happened while you loved me, and I panicked every time you noticed something was wrong.”

“You think that makes it better? You used your anxiety to keep me close. That is fucking manipulation.”

“It makes me responsible. I couldn’t handle the truth.”

Her words settle between us. The anxiety was real, but it was masking something darker, and I had no fucking idea.

“You never gave me a choice.”

“I know.”

“I would’ve fought for you.”

“I know.”

“I would’ve helped you find treatment. I would’ve stood beside you, fought with you, and gone after anything that tried to hurt you.”

“I know you would have!” Charm’s scream rips through the room. “That was the fucking problem. I would’ve let you.”

I stare at her.

“I would’ve made you responsible for saving me because I made you responsible for everything else,” she says. “I used your eyes when I couldn’t stand looking through mine. I used your desire to convince myself I was beautiful. I used your voice to quiet every thought telling me I was worthless, then panicked the second you stopped reassuring me long enough to need something too.”

“You knew I would carry it.”

“Yes.”

“And you lied to stop me from deciding whether I wanted to.”

“Yes!”

“You knew you were never going to pick me.” The words come out quietly even though I am anything but calm.

“I wanted to pick you. I never wanted anything as much as I wanted you, but I didn’t know how to pick you!”

Her admission collides with mine, leaving both of us breathing hard across the room.

“I had no business wanting you to save me from an illness I wouldn’t even admit I had,” she says. “If I had gotten through to you after the cabin, I would’ve begged you to come back and called it love. I would’ve made your forgiveness the reason I ate and your attention the reason I stayed alive. Every bad day would’ve become your responsibility because I still didn’t know how to belong to myself.”

“You still tried to get through to me.”

“Because I loved you!”

“Love wasn’t enough.”

“I know that now!”

Her voice finally fractures. Charm presses both hands over her face, but fury tears them down again before she can hide behind them.