Page 22 of Beautiful Monster

Letting go of my arm, he lets out a frustrated sigh. “I’m not mad at you, Sunny. You just…have to be careful. You can’t let men see you like that. You don’t know what they’re thinking. What they want…” He paces away a moment before turning back toward me, his eyes wild and desperate.

He must have just gone for a run or something because he’s shirtless, red in the cheeks, and he smells of cold, early morning sweat. I stand motionless while his wild eyes roam over my face, clearly deliberating on what he should say next.

I have no good excuse for why I did that, so if he’s waiting for me to explain my reasoning, then he’s going to be waiting for a long time because I’m not ready to admit to him: I just wanted to turn you on.

Silently, he steps closer, closing the distance. “I just want to keep you safe, Sunny. Do you understand?”

My breath comes out ragged. “Why? You barely know me.”

Pain settles behind his eyes, causing his shoulders to sag. “Who keeps you safe?”

I don’t answer, but something stings in my throat.

“A beautiful girl like you. People…men…would take advantage of you. Hurt you, Sunny. People are monsters, and I…like you. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

Something in his resolve wavers.

“Are you okay? I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I nod, unable to peel my eyes away from his lips.

“Is that okay? If I…take care of you?”

My heart hammers behind my rib cage, causing my stomach to rattle and my breathing to falter. I want to memorize the sound of those words coming out of his mouth. The way he says you. The way he looks in my eyes while he says it. The way I matter to him. If this feeling was a color, I would want to paint it all over my skin and let it seep into my pores, making it a permanent part of me.

“Yes,” I breathe, my voice coming out higher than I intended.

“Good.” He steps away and looks at the wall, but I can tell he’s still unsettled. “Sunny,” he whispers.

“Yeah?”

“Cadence’s friends. They haven’t…tried anything with you, have they?” His lips flatten into a thin line.

“Last summer, one of them did, but I stopped him. I haven’t let anyone…”

I watch his features relax. He’s relieved. “Good. If you ever need to get out of there, you come here, okay?”

“Okay,” I whisper.

It’s a long, tense moment and one harrowing thought cycles through my mind on repeat. A thought I should let remain a thought, but it demands attention.

So, I glance up at him as I whisper, “You saw me.”

His head spins in my direction. “What?”

“You said…anyone could have seen me, but you…you saw me.”

His throat bobs as he swallows, and for a moment I feel bad for cornering him with this. He has no choice but to confess to staring at me the way he did.

But it’s not enough. I want more. And I know exactly what I’m doing, toying with him. Forcing him into divulging what he wants to keep secret.

“You said…I don’t know what they’re thinking. So how do you know…?”

He takes two quick strides in my direction, a look of stern frustration on his face. Once he’s only inches away, he stares into my eyes. “You want me to admit that I was thinking those awful things too? Honestly, Sunny, what do you expect when you…”

He stops himself, shutting his mouth to breathe heavily through his flared nostrils.

“It’s not your fault. I didn’t mean that,” he says, finishing his thought. “But me admitting to you that I have all the same depraved thoughts as other guys doesn’t change the fact that I would rather protect you. Do you understand me?”