Page 100 of Beautiful Monster

When I feel my phone buzzing, I know it’s Cadence, so I fish it out and give her directions to where I’m standing. A moment later, I hear her shrieking as she bolts across the crowd and snatches me up into her arms. This is the first time Cadence and I have been apart in our entire lives. Even when I was at Alex’s house, I still had her nearby, and I could see her when I wanted.

Suddenly seeing her for the first time in over four months has me feeling emotional. There’s something to be said about having my sister around when I’m feeling bad, but having her here when I’m feeling good might be my favorite.

“I’m so proud of you,” she cries into my hair. When she pulls away, her face is wet with tears, and I marvel at just how gorgeous my sister is. While everything about me feels quiet, small, and meek, Cadence is fierce, loud, and fearless.

“This one is yours?” she asks as she steps forward, squeezing my hand in hers. I feel myself looking around for Mom, but it becomes painfully obvious that she came alone.

She catches me looking. Biting her lip, she says, “She’s at Passages. She didn’t want me to tell you, but I thought you should know. If she was going to miss this, I knew you’d be happy to know it was for a good reason.”

It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My mother going to rehab, and not using the smallest reason to bail, feels major. I want to ask more, but I can tell it’s weighing on Cadence too much, so I change the subject. I tell her all about my rain cloud, and she tries her best not to cry. Then she tells me about a hundred more times that she’s proud of me.

“Is he coming?” she asks without looking at my face.

“I don’t think so,” I answer quietly. “I didn’t invite him.”

When I glance at her, I see her biting her lip, and I can tell she’s holding something back. Of course, she lives behind him, and she can probably see just about everything he does. If she knew something about him, I could ask and she would tell me.

But that would only make things harder. If he’s moved on, I don’t even want to think about how bad that would hurt to hear, but also if she tells me that he’s miserable, it will only make this pain I’m enduring last longer.

She must sense my hesitation because she looks at me. “How are you holding up?” And I know she’s referring to him.

I shrug. “A little better every day.”

“Breakups are hard, sis, but I must admit…I didn’t see this one coming. It took Alexander so long to find someone he was willing to give it all up for…I didn’t think he’d ever let that go.”

The wind leaves my lungs like her words ripped it out.

He let me go. All this time, I saw this as setting me free, but something about hearing her say it the way she did makes it sound like he sacrificed himself for me.

The whole time he was afraid he was pulling me down. Alexander held on to me so tight because I was the one thing holding him above water. And he let me go.

I’m suddenly desperate to know how he is. I should have called or texted or something to keep tabs on him, to make sure he’s okay. He was always supposed to take care of me, but who’s taking care of him?

But just as I’m about to ask, Hanna interrupts us by introducing herself to my sister. She offers to watch my spot, even though there’s really nothing for me to do, so Cadence and I can go get some lunch together.

It’s nice to have time to just update my sister on my new life at the co-op, everything I learned, and the jobs I’ll have after it’s over. Before I know it, we’re saying goodbye, and I’m already desperate for this program to be over so I don’t feel so separated from her anymore.

As the hours go by, I start to lose hope that Alex is coming. Why would he come? I didn’t tell him I’d be here. This isn’t his sort of scene anyway. It’s stupid of me not to invite him and then expect him to show. Who does that?

The show starts to wrap up just as the sun peeks below the horizon, painting the sky in shades of orange and blue. I get caught up talking to a couple straggling through the festival when I see him approach.

I lose my voice mid-sentence. He’s walking against the natural grain of the crowd toward me, in his jeans with a long-sleeve shirt and a lazy hoodie on over it. His beard has grown out, and it shows the white patches along his chin. When my eyes lock on his, I lose my breath.

Watching him approach, my throat tightens and I wonder if he’ll hug me. Will he just say hello and move on? Or will he sweep me up in his arms and carry me away? Part of my irrational brain hopes it's the latter.

Instead of wondering for long, it’s me who closes the distance, stepping up to hug him as soon as he’s close enough to touch. His arms fold around my midsection, squeezing me tighter than Cadence did, and we don't speak as we just hug each other for a long, breathless minute.

He smells so familiar, it makes tears prick my eyes. Where his shoulders used to be narrower, he’s built muscle, and his skin has lost its summer tan. It brings out the gold flecks in his eyes as he leans back.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” he whispers to me, our mouths just inches apart.

“You’re not late,” I answer, letting myself get lost in his eyes. I’m not grappling with my choices anymore. He’s here, and it feels amazing.

Just when I think he might kiss me, and I don’t know how I would feel about that, he pulls away, looking at the wall behind me.

His eyes go wide, and he steps forward, giving it the same look he gave the girl the first time I painted her. “Sunny…” he whispers.

“It’s a rain cloud.”