Page 34 of For Ever More

Silence stretches, my skin prickling at the unwavering intensity of his gaze. “Do you think I would do that to you?” he asks at last, in a voice I haven’t heard before, guttural and low. He releases me abruptly, backing away like he doesn’t want to touch me any longer. Emotions flicker across his face—of fury, disappointment. “Set me afire, then. Stab me. Do it—if you can.”

“Don’t tempt me,” I reply harshly. “I was warned about you, about your people. Still, I chose to trust you—”

He laughs, cold and mocking. “You never did, holding me at arm’s length, especially since returning home. You were always ready to expect the worst of me. Maybe you don’t know how to trust anyone, or maybe you don’t want to trust me.”

“You sent the firefly with me—”

“The firefly was harmless, instructed to do nothing that would draw suspicion to you. All we seek is information, answers to heal the affliction in our land, not to harm yours. I also wanted you to be able to reach me if you needed to. You are vulnerable there, concealing the magic you bear.”

“What about the flower?” I snarl. “Your uncle’s spies? What would happen to me and my family should the Elders discover this?”

He picks up the flower and holds it out to me. “Take it. Find the proof of the treachery you’re so certain I’m guilty of.”

I seize the flower, prying the petals apart, expecting to find clusters of the tiny jewellike insects of Thorn Valley. Nothing. Turning the flower over, I shake it until the petals begin to wilt. “Where did you hide them? Where did they go?”

“Instead of accusing me of concealing them, ask yourself why you so easily believed I would betray you—even weighing what you know of me, all I’ve done for you,” he says icily.

A different kind of pain is spreading through my chest, unlike when I believed he’d deceived me. I’m beginning to feel like the treacherous one isn’t him, but me.

“You removed the insects,” I say numbly.

“Every last one, released on the shores of my home.” His face appears hewn from stone. “While I want to help my people, it won’t be at the price of your safety.”

The last of my anger fades. “Why didn’t you refuse your uncle from the start?”

“Because he would keep pressing, then searching for another way. The danger lies not in refusing my uncle, but if he acts on his own. I can’t protect you if I don’t know what he intends. I gave you the flower so I can claim to have done as he asked. I’ll find another way to obtain what we seek without risking you.” He pauses. “It is becoming clear that soon I must assume the sole responsibility of Thorn Valley as my father intended. Uncle and I have differing views.”

My insides curl. All the while I was cursing him, Jin was protecting me. “I didn’t know,” I begin haltingly, unsure what else to say—certain there should be more.

He doesn’t respond, picking up the oars and rowing again. Pride seals my lips as I lift my head to the wind, burying the other words I should have uttered, fearing it wouldn’t matter even if I did. If only Jin would look at me again, as he used to. But he doesn’t, his gaze riveted on the horizon, a chill settling deeper into my bones the farther the boat glides… that I might have destroyed what was most precious between us.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

WEEKS PASS. THE WEATHER SHIFTS, GROWING COOLER—though far from the biting chill of the Iron Mountains. Whenever Jin summons me to help in the Ancient Grove, I go, using the opportunity to train. My control over the dragon’s magic is strengthening; I no longer fear unleashing it in small amounts… except it’s becoming harder to wait to use it again, the temptation growing to channel more despite the danger. Training untethers my dependence on Jin, though wielding this power still feels wrong—shame and guilt wrenching me to recall how I almost hurt him with it. I must rid myself of this, afraid of losing the struggle within… of the day I want to keep this magic instead of relinquishing it.

The first time I returned to Thorn Valley after we fought, I expected Jin to send a guard to escort me—but he was there. He rowed me to his home, both of us staring into the dark, an emptiness burrowing deeper at this new distance between us. No longer do we argue, nor does he try to draw me closer. Our interactions are polite, transactional—each of us getting exactly what we sought. And I’m miserable.

“Do you enjoy the silence, Lord Jin-Yong?” I’m prying a crack in his infuriating indifference, as our boat glides over the waters.

“Isn’t this what you want?” His gaze swings to me, unrelenting and distant. “You imagine deceit in all I do, hearing betrayal in each word. It is easier for you to suspect me when our entanglement threatens the life you now cherish. Yet when I follow the boundaries you’ve set, you are unhappy.” A mirthless smile forms on his lips. “What do you want of me?”

My hands fist in my lap, my frigid smile matching his. He speaks with cold precision as though he’s already reasoned all this in his mind. “You’re imagining things, Lord Jin-Yong. I’m not unhappy in the least.”

As he slants his head back, I tense beneath his scrutiny. “You’re not that good a liar, Yining—not to me. You’re hiding your anger because you’re too proud to admit you’re wrong.” His voice roughens like his own control is unraveling. “Stop making me into the villain you’d rather believe I am. Stop being a coward.”

Rage simmers, except this time it turns inward. I don’t like being wrong, worse yet when he’s right. “You’ve given me much reason to suspect you. I’m not a coward—”

“Not when it comes to things you should be afraid of.” He sounds as furious as me, satisfaction surging to have finally snapped his restraint. “You plunge into danger to help those you care about. You challenged the Queen of the Iron Mountains, even that brute of her husband. You met the Prince of the Iron Mountains again, after he tried to force you into marriage—yet with me you hesitate, you draw away, your first inclination to guard yourself.” He searches my face, his voice aching in intensity. “What are you afraid of ? That my feelings for you aren’t real… or that your feelings for me are? You’re used to building walls, not taking them down when they are no longer needed.”

Alone with him in the middle of the ocean, my silence is deafening. Jin penetrates the layers around my heart, ruthlessly yanking out the uncomfortable truths I’ve tried to bury. “I will ask you once more,” he says in a softer tone. “Will you stop pushing me away, will you stop running from me?”

“I’m afraid I’ll fall.” It slips out before I bite down on my tongue, the only honest thing I’ve said to him for weeks.

“Fall, and I will catch you.”

He leans toward me but stops. Waiting. He wants me—but won’t keep chasing if I don’t come forward. “I am afraid,” I admit. “After returning home, I found something I never thought I would: family. A place I belong to. I don’t want to lose it.”

“I don’t want to take it from you,” he says.