Page 25 of Masked Instincts

“No,” she begins to pull the necklace from her. “I can’t take this."

“You will,” I demand, and she lets it drop. I’m not sure why a part of me needs her to have something of me. I’m not quite sure when I will see her again. Maybe I never will.

For the last ten years, I’ve felt numb. There’s always been an anger lurking inside of me, but now? I feel hollow. This obsession was sweet while it lasted, and Luna left an imprint on my soul, but I can’t stay here as much as I wish to be near her. I rise to my feet, gathering my clothes to get dressed. Luna stays on her knees for a minute more, searching for permission to move. When I say nothing, she gets up to grab her robe hanging from the door. My heart expands for a moment as I stare at her. Her pale skin is a dark contrast to her black, disheveled hair. The length reaches down past her breasts. Her face is make-up-free, and dare I say, she looks more beautiful without it. Her clean face is so stunning that it makes it hard to breathe.

“Goodbye, my moon,” I say. Walking towards her bedroom door, I stand for a minute, waiting for her to protest. Even if she did, it wouldn’t matter. I’d still leave. She lets me walk out with no words, but as I turn the doorknob of her apartment, I hear her calling out to me.

Luna throws herself into me and pulls my face to hers. Her lips fall to mine in a soft caress. Heat begins to race through my body at the touch, running down my spine until it finds home base in my balls. Luna has given me a lot of firsts already. I’ve never followed someone or left them gifts. I’ve never even kissed a girl before. In high school, when I found a release in girls, I never let them kiss my lips. They’d try to find a spot to kiss along my skin instead. I never wanted the connection that came with a kiss.

Eye contact was never my forte either, but I could stare into Luna’s forever.

She leans back, and it feels like I'm coming up for air after drowning. There’s a twinkle in her eyes that makes them shine brighter than they are, but the twinkle dies just as fast.

“Be safe out there, Jax,” she says, and my insides twist. I don’t say anything else as I twist the doorknob and leave.

Back in my apartment, Mama meets me in the living room. She looks less mad than she was earlier when I left.

“Where’d you go?” She asks with her arms crossed.

“Does it matter?”

“What are you doing, Jaxy?”

“We’re leaving,” I announce.

“Where are you going to go? Are you just going to live on the run forever?”

“I’m not going back!” I cry out. Mama rolls her neck with stress, and a small crack sounds. “I’m going. Come or don’t, Mama, but I’m leaving tonight.”

“Of course I’ll come with you, but this isn’t a life to live. You don’t have money. How are you going to run around with nothing in your pockets?”

“I’m not going back!” I scream again. My voice reaches octaves that I never knew it could. Mama looks at me with disappointment. “I’d rather starve to death than go back.”

Before leaving, I stuff all of the money in my wallet into an envelope and write a note to the landlord to let him know the unit was open. I leave all my belongings behind, taking nothing but myself and the clothes on my back. Mama and I hop into my Ranger. We drive and drive until we see the sun. We don’t stop for the bathroom or food. We go until I physically can’t anymore.

I fall asleep to the thought of Luna.

fourteen

LUNA

It’s been two weeks since Jax walked out of my apartment. I feel alone without the presence of someone around every corner, without a present or note to find, without a shadow to feel. That gift card he gave me still lives in the drawer of my bedside table, burning a hole there. Its presence lingers in my mind. I can’t bring myself to use it.

I’m confused. There isn’t a single part of me that understands the way I feel.

My encounters with Jax weren’t regular. Anyone in their sane mind would run away from a man like him—one who stalks and brings pain into the world; physical and emotional. There’s a sick part inside of me that misses him. Chase doesn’t understand why I feel this way, but he does understand that I can’t control it.

We’ve switched roles. He finishes his assignments and essays with ease, but I can barely write a paragraph for a paper. I’m unfocused. Everything is unclear to me. My essay boosted my grade. As expected, it was shared with the class, and everyone felt sorry for me, but I didn’t care. I accepted their condolences and kept silent because I'm too numb to feel anything.

I’m so down that I can’t even find myself to rollerblade home anymore. Some nights when I’m walking home, I see a shadow in the dark, and I think maybe it’s him. That he’s come back for me. I’ve been running in circles in my mind, wondering what he’s doing and where he is. I check the news and the internet daily, but there’s nothing to see. There have been no Jax Turner sightings.

Another part of me wishes he were spotted so I could at least know where he is.

His pendant has found a new home on my body. I didn’t want to take it from him when he told me what it was, but I’m thankful to have it. This piece of him that is now mine.

I missed the actual Halloween party. Chase begged me to go, but how could I attend a Halloween party when I met Jax at the last one I attended? People dressed up as Ghostface like he did. I saw them walk around town over the holiday, and all I could think was that maybe one of them was him. But I knew they weren’t. My mind wants to play tricks and search for him in any way that I can.

I’m not sure how to put one foot in front of the other, but I’ll continue to do so as I silently hope and pray that he appears.