Page 227 of Infernal Bonds

If I were honest with myself, I’d admit I wanted him to take the lead sometimes. I didn’t want to deal with all the politics and drama. I just wanted to be. But not at the expense of my autonomy.

I scrubbed my face with my hands.

None of it mattered now. At least not until I could apologize to him for comparing him to his father. But apologizing didn’t mean I was ready to let him make every decision for me.

If he even accepted my apology, especially since he’d already been upset with me before I ever said such a thoughtless thing about his father.

Ezra wasn’t just angry with me—he’d been afraid.

My choices backed him into a corner. Leaving with Kavina had scared him, and almost losing Ash disturbed him. I’d heard it in his voice.

I wondered whether Ezra had ever experienced that terrifying sense of being cornered, unable to change the course of events unfolding around him. I wondered whether he had ever faced a situation that he couldn’t effortlessly manipulate and navigate without someone else’s help.

I wondered if he’d ever understand me.

I wanted him to, but not so badly that I’d want him to feel cornered, having all of his freedom stripped away from him. No one deserved that.

I dropped my hands to my sides and stared at the ceiling as an uncomfortable truth settled over me.

Our tether did exactly that to him.

He didn’t want to be tethered to me.

Fate had other plans.

I laughed.

I’d been so foolish to think he didn’t understand me. Foolish to think I was the only one in this situation who didn’t have a choice in my life.

Between his father and Fate forcing him to be tied to me forever, it was no wonder he wasn’t keeping the perfect composure I’d seen from the moment I met him.

I knew Ezra wanted me on a physical level. His body didn’t lie. But being sexually attracted to someone didn’t mean you wanted to put a ring on their finger and spend the rest of your life with them—or in this case, bind your souls together for all eternity.

He wanted to protect me too, but I believed it was more for his brother’s sake than genuine care for me. If I passed away, his brothers either died or fell seriously ill. Even being kidnapped put me in a position that harmed them, so of course he’d be upset that it happened and want to protect me from that outcome.

But even if that were the case, he could have forced me to be a prisoner in the house. He could have assigned someone to guard me besides himself.

Even protecting me from his shadows.

I didn’t think they’d kill me. Ezra wouldn’t have let me be around them if he believed that, so I trusted they didn’t want to kill me. But I knew they wanted something—something he denied them for my sake.

He wasn’t doing that to protect his brothers.

There were even times I questioned if he cared more than he admitted.

I’d overheard Zeke mentioning something about Ezra forbidding them from touching the thermostat because “Raelynn overheats easily.”

He also compromised with me when he knew I didn’t want to do something—that was until this last bag of bullshit his father threw at us.

But none of these things equated to tying his soul to me.

Wanting my body, caring about me as a person existing in his space, and finding common ground didn’t mean he wanted to permanently bind himself to me.

I closed my eyes, replaying the moment he backed me against the wall in the kitchen.

And I’d given him the chance to confirm or deny it.

I’d said he didn’t want the bond, and all I received in return was silence. It was the only thing that made him finally back off.