Page 155 of Infernal Bonds

I’d never thought what I did with the women in the palace mattered. If my heart wasn’t in it and I didn’t want them, I’d never considered it a betrayal to Zeke. They didn’t get the part of me that belonged to him. Even if he never expressed feelings for me, I wouldn’t give them my heart.

But I’d given them a part of me. A part I couldn’t take back. Something I could never give him for the first time the way I’d given it to them.

I slid down the wall and buried my face in my hands.

I’d made a terrible mistake.

I kept making mistakes.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered from above me. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

I dropped my hands as he reached for the door handle beside me. Panic shot through me, and I twisted, latching onto his legs as I rose to my knees. “Don’t go.” I pressed the top of my head against his leg as I clung to him. “You are enough. Fuck, Zeke. Don’t leave me.”

The door latched again when he released the handle, but he didn’t move.

My voice cracked as I lifted my head to look at him, my eyes burning with the effort it took not to cry.

He didn’t need my tears. He needed my words.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” My heart pounded so hard against my ribs it felt like it would burst out of my chest. “I was stupid. I don’t know how else to put it. I was an idiot. And I—”

His voice cracked when he said, “Stop it.” He pried my arms from around his legs and stepped back.

I dropped my head and stared at the floor.

“Please get up,” he whispered, his voice sounding a little thin and uncertain.

“Zeke, I…” I lifted my head, meeting his stare.

In that moment, it felt like he could see through me to all the mistakes I’d ever made. He’d witnessed enough of them to know how fucked up I was.

What made me think I deserved him? What made me think I deserved her?

I didn’t deserve either of them.

“Please get up.”

It wasn’t lost on me that they’d both taken me to my knees.

I forced myself to stand, but my legs remained weak.

I’d never felt so uncertain, stumbling through uncharted territory where every decision I made and word I spoke threatened to destroy me.

As soon as I steadied myself, Zeke crashed into me, arms wrapping around my shoulders. His mouth stole my surprised grunt as we collided with the door. His fingers slid up the back of my head, clutching my hair so hard that pain pricked my scalp.

I pawed at his shirt, desperate to get my hands on his skin.

I didn’t know what possessed him to take the initiative, but I went from limp to hard as steel so fast it made me lightheaded.

If he didn’t want to talk, I’d show him with my body what he meant to me.

He stopped kissing me long enough to let me pull his shirt over his head, but then he was on me again, skin to skin, a clash of teeth, tongues, and spit.

“Cyn,” he whined against my mouth. His hands trembled against my skin, his movements slowing.

Instead of letting him retreat into himself, I spun us and put him against the door, making him gasp. He needed me to take the reins. I trailed kisses across his jaw and down his throat, dropping my head onto his shoulder. My hands snaked around to clutch his ass, bringing his pelvis flush with mine.

When I rubbed my cock against his through the layers of denim and sweats, he groaned and dropped his head back against the door.