Page 208 of Infernal Secrets

“You’re lying,” he said in surprise, gaping at me.

“Say what?”

“I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.” He laughed, his expression brightening for the first time since we’d left Earth. “I get it now.” He nodded as if confirming something to himself.

I sure as hell didn’t get it.

“Get what?”

“It’s okay, you know,” he said, tone cautious. “I care about her too.”

I dragged my hand down my face. “What are you talking about?”

Understanding Zeke’s thinking could be a drawn-out process, but I usually caught the gist of it. Right now? Not a damn clue.

“Can I ask you something?”

The corner of my mouth quirked. “You’ve never asked to ask a question before. But sure, go ahead.”

He dropped his eyes to his feet, flexing his toes against the gray hardwood. “If Rae weren’t human, would you still be against it?”

I knew what “it” meant.

I shut my eyes, willing my heart to stop racing. One question was enough to bring back the anxious feeling I’d experienced earlier.

“Cyn?”

“She’s human, Zeke. It’s a nonissue,” I said, trying to deflect from the subject. I could silence anyone else with a glance, but not Zeke. I couldn’t treat him like that.

“But what if?”

If she weren’t human, it’d be hard not to believe what her boss said.

As much as I hated it, the way we reacted to her lined up with what I knew about Nyrith pairs. If she weren’t human, I wouldn’t have acted the way I did toward her in the beginning. Her humanity made all the feelings inside of me confusing—and unwelcome.

“What if?” I snorted. “Maybe things would’ve turned out differently, but you’ll only hurt your own feelings dwelling on the what-ifs in life.”

I understood the pain of holding onto the what-ifs all too well.

What if I weren’t bound?

What if I could be honest?

What if I could confirm the glimmer I saw in his eyes wasn’t just my own desires reflected back at me?

I pushed off the dresser, slamming the mental door shut on that train of thought. “I’m tired. You sleeping in here tonight?”

“Yeah. Don’t wanna be alone,” he mumbled, giving up on prying more out of me. He stood as I approached.

His gaze lingered on my skin for a second too long, and I reminded myself he’d never been with anyone. He’s just curious. I doubted he knew his preferences.

I wouldn’t wreck our relationship by scaring him with my desires.

He was the first male I ever wanted—which wasn’t saying much since I’d loved him since childhood. Still, I hadn’t desired another man since. Women aroused me but never reached me on an emotional level.

My black heart belonged only to Zeke.

I wasn’t prepared to lose him when he inevitably said we couldn’t be more than friends, and that my feelings made things awkward because he was straight—or so I thought.