Page 70 of Sing For Us

He might not survive.

The doors to the ICU open, and the nurse at the station looks up. “Family?”

“His medical proxy,” Isa answers.

The words sound strange.

Medical proxy. A piece of paper I never thought I would actually have to use.

The nurse gives me a sympathetic look, and something inside me twists. I don't want sympathy. Sympathy means something bad has happened. And something bad hasn't happened.

Not yet.

I step into the room, and the quiet is the first thing I notice—not the machines. Not the tubes. Not the bandages. There is a steady rhythm of sounds around him. Beeps from monitors. The soft movement of air from the machines. The occasional footsteps outside the room.

I stop walking. For a second, I can’t make myself walk closer.

Because I know it's him.

But he doesn't look like him.

“I’ll be here until you need to leave. But don’t worry, you have some time.” Isa assures me with his kind smile and soft voice. I step closer and closer.

And here I am.

Right by Emin’s bed.

His face is still his face. The same features I know better than my own. The same mouth that always had something sarcastic to say. The person who would jump into fire for me.

But everything around him makes him look like a stranger.

There are wires attached to him. A tube helping him breathe. Machines keeping track of things I don't understand.

My eyes move over him slowly.

Taking inventory.

Like if I memorize every detail, I can convince myself this is temporary.

That I will blink and he will open his eyes.

That he will complain about the hospital food.

That he will ask why I look like I've been crying.

That he will tell me that I need to forgive Noa.

“Can I touch him?” My voice sounds far away.

Isa nods. “Of course.”

His hand is resting beside him, and I reach for it carefully, almost afraid that touching him will make this real. Our fingertips touch, and my knees buckle.

This is real. He is really on a ventilator. He is in a coma.

My fingers wrap around his and the first thing I notice is that he is warm. And that one small thing becomes everything. Because warm means alive.

Alive means he can wake up.