Page 17 of Deacon

‘How so?’

‘You survived her and fought the good fight. You’re a great dad, and you’ve made an awesome life for yourself. Now go to Spain, rest up, appreciate the life you’ve built, and love your boy.’

‘Indeed, my guy. I intend to focus on max R&R, for Raff and me,’ I shared, pulling at my chin and beard.

Levi lit out soon after, and I finished up the packing.

As I worked, the old doubts crept back into my head.

Had Ana meant it when she said ‘I do’ all those years ago?

Why had she given up on us?

I sometimes still drove myself mad trying to pinpoint the exact moment everything turned to dust.

I remember her telling me she didn’t see a future for us.

The abrupt end of our marriage left me blindsided, as my brain parsed the event as a trauma.

For months, I drifted in survival mode, hardly able to function.

I missed meals, lost weight, became an insomniac, and got disoriented to the degree that I got home sometimes with no clue how I drove there.

Or I’d sit up for hours at night until dawn, with no idea how much time had passed.

Now, I exhaled and made a deal with myself.

For this holiday, I was going to lock in on the present and cease digging up the grave of our marriage.

I had to stop tearing myself apart, thinking it was all my fault.

At the end of the day, I had to accept that we hadn’t been happy: hell, Ana must have been so miserable that she fled from me in her desperation to be free.

That was the harsh reality I had to live with.

If not for my own sanity, then for Raff.

Chapter 4

ANA

‘Damn it, woman, get a grip.’

I blinked away the tears blurring the congested Nashville traffic outside, and hit my steering column with the heel of my palm.

I struggled to keep control as my hands trembled on the wheel.

Heck, every time I walked away from Deacon, it tore me apart.

I flicked a tear off my cheek, navigating the afternoon gridlock even as my heart raced and emotion flooded me.

Deacon was the first man I ever loved.

Even though I was married to someone else now, he was the man I still yearned for.

Each time I caught a glimpse of him, my whole body jolted, and I couldn’t restrain my reaction.

He was still so tall, dark, and handsome, with those stunning emerald-gold eyes.