Page 121 of Deacon

I stared out the window for a long moment.

‘You’re right. Deacon is who I crave,’ I admitted, my voice dropping. ‘Whenever I see him now, I get this wave of calm followed by savage craving for him. I want to climb him in bed and go wild, but I’m also scared it’s too soon, even before I’m divorced, to feel this way. Also, if we get together, I’ll fuck it up like I did the first time.’

Shalini reached for my hand and squeezed it.

‘At some point, you’ll need to stop running from what you yearn for, Ana,’ she said, her voice taking on a direct, protective tone. ‘You left Deacon to dodge the pain, and you married Max to hide from who you are. You got stuck in a magazine-perfect marriage with a husband who ghosted you and refused to give you kids. At the same time, the guy who gets your soul is still tied to you by passion, family, and a son. The calm you feel around Deacon isn’t a fluke; he represents home, your rock and safe space. But until you deal with the mess, the anger, and the doubt inside you, you’re going to miss out on the happiness you deserve.’

I stared at my best friend, a wry smile curving my mouth.

‘Always so brutal with the truth, hey? Sometimes I wonder if you do it for a kick.’

‘Of course. I’m a certified sadist,’ she muttered with a wink.

Just then, my phone alarm went off.

‘Damn, I have to go, babe,’ I told Shalini, turning off the notification. ‘I’ve got a meeting with my lawyers soon.’

I rose and gave her a long hug.

‘Thank you, hon, for listening to me go on and on about my shit.’

Her lips quirked.

‘I’m counting on you to listen to mine if I ever need it.’

I pulled away and shot her a smile.

‘You owe me an update on your dating life.’

‘What dating life? All I do is work, eat, tend my garden, sleep, rinse, and repeat.’

She hustled me out through her front door, and I eased into my car.

‘Love you, honey,’ I told her.

‘Adore you more. Now go, and think hard about what we just discussed.’

‘Will do,’ I promised, waving as I drove away.

Chapter 24

DEACON

Our European tour kicked off in London with a blast.

We were playing sold-out shows, and to make it happen, the logistics for the Six Sinners crew were off the wall.

The bump-in was a military-grade operation, with trucks hauling in tons of steel staging, a massive LED screen, and custom audio rigs.

Our team hoisted the lighting trusses into the overhead rafters and tuned the sound system.

This transformed Tottenham Hotspur Stadium into an epic wall of amplifiers and lights, with mist machines recreating our ‘Eye of the Storm’ platform.

Meanwhile, the band and I ran through instrument checks on just four hours of sleep after our flight across the English Channel.

At showtime, our support slots from The Last Dinner Party and Fontaines D.C., two of the hottest bands in the UK, revved up the crowd.

When Jude dropped from the ceiling on a suspended platform, unleashing a tempest of flash strobes, deep thunder sub-bass, and gale-force wind effects, the audience went wild.