Page 104 of Goalie Interference
“Then don’t do it.”
I worry my lip between my teeth. “That bad, huh?”
“I’ll say this much, it’s not as bad as when Gavin got outed, or when Connor planted a big fat kiss on him at center ice. But you are a topic of conversation.”
“Positive or negative?”
“A mixed bag honestly. But mostly positive, which is nice.”
That should make me happy, but I also am a mixed bag of feelings about all this. On one hand, what difference does it make? So what if I got outed? And honestly, it’s not like it’s even official. Right now, it’s just speculation. Speculation with a lot of evidence, but still, nothing has been confirmed.
Maybe that’s what’s bothering me. I’m used to people analyzing me, but it’s always about my game, and with statistics and analytics to back up any opinions. This right here is a photo and a rumor mill spiraling faster than a Midwestern tornado.
Everything might be swirling, but instead of the roar of the wind spinning in my mind, I hear Nikolai. His voice reminding me to breathe. So I do.
“Ander…” Brandon says slowly. “Talk to me. I don’t like it when you go silent. It’s unsettling.”
“I think I’m in shock.”
“You and me both,” Brandon says. “Everyone is.”
“You’d think after what happened to Gavin and Connor last year, I’d have prepared for this.”
“Why?” Brandon asks. His question is more of a statement. “You’ve had, what? Four months to come to terms with the fact that you’re gay? Most of us get a little more time to get used to that fact before even uttering it out loud for the first time. Hell, you haven’t even said it to me, though it’s obvious.”
“To be fair, I think I’m more bi.” I shrug, but he’s right. I haven’t had much time to even think about this myself. “I mean, I know I’m into Nikolai, but before that I always chased after girls.”
“Yeah.” Brandon laughs. “At half speed. It never really felt like your heart was in it. But with Nikolai…”
My throat starts to get tight.
“It’s clear you’re all in.”
“Actually, it’s more the other way around.”
“Meaning?” Brandon’s voice is both confused and weary.
“He’s the one who’s always all the way in on me if you know what I’m say—”
“Stop! Don’t you dare say another word.” He lets out the longest, most long-suffering sigh I have ever heard from not just him, but anybody. “I’m trying to be supportive here, Ander. But this being the way I find out you’re a strict bottom is a little much.”
“What? Are we not allowed to talk about that?” I laugh. I’m his brother. I’m contractually obligated to be entertained by his discomfort. “I thought maybe you could give me some tips.”
“Take your questions to Connor please.”
“Brandon! Are you telling me you’re a top?” I honestly don’t care about the answer to that question. But right now, this is the lightest I’ve felt since I left Nikolai this morning.
“I’m not telling you shit!” he says. “Now, please, can we focus? What are you going to do?”
My laughter subsides. “Honestly, I don’t know. I guess Nikolai and I are going to have to figure that out.”
God, I wish Nikolai was here right now. Actually, what I really wish is that I could go back in time to this morning before all these events got put into motion. I don’t know what I would change, besides the obvious, of course, but everything else about our morning was perfect.
“You’re going to need to make a decision,” Brandon says. “And fast. You have a game tonight. As soon as you step foot into that stadium you are going to be bombarded.”
“What would you do if it was you? Like, do you and Ryan have a plan if it ever gets out that you’re dating?”
“We’ve talked about it. And if we did get outed, we’d admit it. But our circumstances are different from yours. We play on the same team. We’re in a long-term committed relationship. We love each other. He’s my person. And I’ll never deny that, but also, none of us owes the world a press conference about our sex lives.”
