Page 29 of Ever After

His calmness inspires trust, and I sit down on the sofa, drawing my legs up under me. “I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to a ghost like this before.”

The fire is going out, and he stretches his legs towards it as though seeking a warmth that he’ll never feel again. “In what way?”

I wave a hand. “In any way. The spirit world is usually trying to kill me. They don’t stay around long enough to have a chat.”

He settles back in his chair. “I have a feeling that is most people’s reaction to you, be they living or dead.”

“How would you know? I’ve only been here for a couple of days.”

A mischievous look crosses his face. “But you have filled those days with such activity. I have rarely been bored.”

It takes me a second and then I flush bright red. So red I can feel my ears burning. “Oh my god. You broke into our room and watched us?” I say, outraged.

He huffs with an indignation he has no right to feel. “I did not break in. I happen to lease this cottage.”

“You haven’t leased it for a couple of centuries at least.”

“And it is hardly my fault if two men decide to tup all over the house.”

“It wasn’t all over the house.”

“True. You left the pantry alone.”

“Oh my god. You’d better not mention this to Levi.”

“I do not favour lies.”

I raise my eyes to the ceiling as if searching for help. “Why are you here? I’m on my honeymoon.”

He removes a small clay pipe from his pocket. Lighting it, he puffs away for a second, the familiar fragrant pipe smoke filling the air. “I may have need of your help.”

I jump to my feet immediately. “I’m going to stop you there. Not happening,” I snap.

He removes the pipe from his mouth. “I beg your pardon?”

“No, don’t beg anything. It’s not happening. Accept it and move on.”

“Why?”

I gesture at the ceiling where Levi is sleeping in a room upstairs. “Did you miss the part about this being my honeymoon?”

“The world is indeed a strange and wonderous place that two men are wed.”

“Yes, yes, I’m sure. So many changes and yada yada yada. And I repeat for the hard of hearing in the room. I’m on my honeymoon.”

“Why do you keep saying it in that strange feverish tone?”

“Because this is a special time. A time when we relax, enjoy married life, and Levi and I can bang like an old barn door until our penises fall off.”

He blinks. “And is that a common occurrence in this new world of yours?”

“No, but if it was going to happen, the appropriate time is on my honeymoon.” I make a gesture like I’m washing my hands of him. “So glad we had this talk. So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodnight.”

His eyes gleam. “There is no need to quote The Sound of Music to me.”

My mouth drops open. “You’ve watched that film? No way.”

He shrugs. “Eternity is a long time and yet still not long enough to avoid the film. I found it trite and yet touching the first time. The fiftieth time, not so much.”