Page 103 of Forbidden Forward

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you,” I rasp.

“I-it’s okay.” She turns to head back to the party, and my eyes dip to the seductive sway of her hips.

“Jackie, wait.”

She pivots on her heel, and my tongue ties itself in knots. Jutting out a hip, she perches a fist on it. “What do you want, Colby?”

From you? So many things. “I, uh, wanted to find out how you’re doing.”

“Fine, thank you.”

“And the job?” I smooth the hair at the back of my neck in a nervous gesture.

“Making progress.” Her tone chills me to the bone.

“Look, can we—”

“Excuse me,” one of the WAGs trills. “Can I use the restroom?”

Jackie and I shuffle out of her way, muttering our apologies. When the bathroom door closes, we’re left alone and I motion her into Blue’s office for some privacy. This time I leave the door open. “I was hoping we could maybe grab a coffee.” My invitation even sounds lame to me.

Jackie crosses her arms. “What for?”

“To talk?”

“Oh, now he wants to talk? About what?”

“I, uh … Just talk.” I miss you. I miss everything about her. Her smile, the way her eyes light up, her voice. Her messed-up nautical terms. Her paintbrush of a ponytail. Her damn boat shoes.

Her eyes travel to the ceiling and back. “Look, I know you lied to me about what you do on the road.”

Caught off guard, I scramble to buy myself a few minutes, so I blurt out, “What I do?”

An exasperated breath heaves from her. “Donovan came clean and told me he made up the stories about how you … you know.” Her hand flutters in the air.

I give her a look blank look, which she must mistake for confusion because she continues. “The stuff he said about you sleeping around. He admitted it isn’t true.”

“It’s not.” Wow. I am one eloquent motherfucker.

“And yet you told me it was true when I asked you about it.”

I swallow. Yeah, pretty sure I could teach an advanced class on idiocy.

She cinches her arms even tighter, as if she’s preparing for battle, and narrows her eyes. “I’ve asked myself why you would do something like that.” If this is my cue to speak up, I miss it. “Obviously, you wanted to end things but didn’t have the courage to just come out and say that, so you withdrew and let me believe … Oh, never mind.” The look of disgust on her face lashes me. “Tell me something: Did you do that so you’d win over my brother and have a better shot at signing an extension with the team?”

“What? No! After what happened between you and your brother, I thought it would be best if we let things quiet down for a while.”

“Wow. So instead of talking to me about it like we’re grown-ups, you decide—on your own—that it would be better to have me believe you were out there screwing around. What was your plan after things quieted down?” She air-quotes the last bit. “Pick right back up where we left off as if nothing happened?”

“No.” Truth is, I hadn’t thought that far ahead, but I’m not about to admit that to her and add to my pile of stupid.

She shakes her head. “Unbelievable.”

I pause to ask myself what I hope to accomplish here. Do I want Jackie in my life? God, yes. So damn much. Since we broke up, there’s a hollow space so wide inside me I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fill it. Do I deserve her? Not even a little. Is she better off without me? Absolutely.

While these thoughts cascade in my head, Jackie straightens, and her hands swing free and dangle at her sides. “Have a nice life, Colby.”

She brushes past me, leaving me with one last whiff of flowers and lemons and sugar cookies. I don’t stop her. It’s better this way.