Page 40 of Once Upon a Reckless Rogue

“It is what I have to do. For my own heart.”

“What of his? If he asks you to go, you should go. There is no need for you both to be miserable.”

Carlos was called away, and Elena was left at the table, her eyes filled with tears for a decision she had not been asked to make. Did she love him? Enough to leave Spain and everything she knew. Knowing it was not an option, she concentrated on putting her fears aside. They had first to get to La Barossa before she made any more decisions.

Chapter Eleven

Back on the road with a new donkey, they made slow progress towards Elena’s mother’s village. Thomas was concerned about Elena. She had been so quiet since leaving Carlos and the inn. If he had not needed to go home, he would have extended their stay, maybe even organized a small villa for Elena. He would have felt much better leaving her there under the careful eye of his friend than in a village where she knew no one and had little connection to the place. A connection that was likely to mean nothing if her mother’s family had all left with her mother.

The more he thought about it, the less he liked it. The plan was fraught with problems, but she had been determined that there was where she needed to go. Perhaps to lay the ghost of her mother to rest once and for all. Maybe there would be answers for her as to why her mother left her behind. Thomas worried he already knew the answers, and most likely so did Elena.

“We should go swimming this afternoon. To cool off. This heat is intense.”

“This heat is Spain. There is not getting away from it; we will be cool for a moment and then hot again, but if you wish to swim you should swim.”

“Is something wrong? You have not been yourself since we left. Did Carlos say something to you to upset you?”

“No. Why would you think that?”

“Elena. I think I know you well enough by now to know that you have something weighing on your mind.”

“You do not know me enough to guess my thoughts. I don’t always want to share every little thing with you. Sometimes, I may wish to keep my thoughts to myself for myself. You cannot pay for them either.”

Thomas took a step back. He had not expected this reaction. Something had happened before they left. “Tell me what is wrong.”

“There is nothing wrong. My God, you are annoying today. Just…leave me alone.”

“Leave you alone? Is that what you really want? Have I done something I’m unaware of?”

“You have done nothing. I simply do not want to converse about the sea right now or how you want to be in it.”

“We can go back, if you are having second thoughts about La Barossa.” This was apparently not the right thing to say. She dropped the lead rope of the donkey and strode ahead. The donkey stopped and hee-hawed. Thomas picked up the rope and pulled the donkey behind him. He racked his brain as to what could have caused such a reaction.

Thomas decided to let her go ahead and have the alone time she obviously wanted. He kept a safe distance behind her. When she stopped and wiped the sweat from her brow and drank deeply from her canteen, he finally caught up to her. She passed the canteen to him.

“I’m sorry,” she said and sat heavily on a boulder. “I was not upset with you.”

“Never thought so for a moment,” he replied with a smile.

“I am nervous that I will never find my place. What if there is nothing for me in my mother’s village or in Cadiz? How do I go all the way back to my own village? I will have failed in my quest to find my own new start. What if no one needs me or will not let me heal them? How will I live?”

“Then you go back to Carlos. He will look after you. You can trust him. He will find you somewhere to live; he will help you. I will help you.”

“You will help me? From England? No. I must do this on my own, even though it scares me.”

“Elena. You do not have to do this on your own. I will stay until you are settled.”

She shook her head vehemently. “I will not make you stay for me.”

“Do you think I can just jump on a ship and sail away from you when I know you are not settled and happy?”

“I want…I don’t know what I want. I’m just confused. Perhaps when we get to my mother’s village it will all make sense.”

“Then let’s get there and find out. Surely it is not that much farther.”

“Carlos said it would be two days’ walk. So, maybe by tomorrow we will reach it.”

Thomas fretted that she was so anxious. He did not want her to think that La Barossa was the only option she had. It had been her idea to go there, but that did not mean she had to stay. Part of him just wanted to get there as quickly as possible so that he could see for himself the kind of place her mother had come from. Part of him wanted to keep going on to Cadiz. He did not like the idea of leaving her there either, with no protection. He had contacts there whom he hoped he could count on to help her, but even then, it felt like it was more like a palming off of his duty.