Page 14 of Epidermis

Jasper didn’t know why he was smiling. “Okay.”

five

“You’re having dinner at his house?”

“Yep.” Jasper chewed on the end of his pen. The need to talk to someone about Konrad had won out over not wanting to give Hiyori any more ammunition to think Konrad was interested in him.

To her credit, she wasn’t smug. Just excited.

“I feel like I should dress up.”

“Oh, you definitely should. Do you still have that sleeveless thing I got you for your birthday last year?”

“The turtleneck?”

“Yeah. You should wear that. No jacket.”

Jasper frowned. He didn’t love the idea, but he would spend his entire life rotating between the same three outfits if Hiyori would allow it, which she didn’t. “We’ll see.”

He’d only had dinner with Konrad at the restaurant once that week, since there was work being done the first half of the week. Some kind of updating to the wiring, but of course, Konrad had still been bringing him lunch. On Friday, Jasper asked if he wanted to stay, and Konrad sat in his booth and kept him company while Jasper ate some kind of braised chicken and vegetables.

“I do hope I still have your presence at my table to look forward to tomorrow,” Konrad said.

Jasper nodded. “I’ll be there. Just text me the address.”

Unlike last week, he was taking all of this Saturday off. He felt like he needed to mentally prepare.

His mind raced when he went to bed that night. No amount of redirecting his attention or breathing exercises could slow the thoughts that bounced off the walls of his mind, unwelcome thoughts of every single way that tomorrow could go wrong.

He’ll look, a voice whispered as Jasper rolled onto his other side.

He buried his face in the pillow.

He’ll see, that voice said, louder, as if in spite for Jasper trying to ignore it.

He pulled one of the other pillows over his head. But it couldn’t block out a voice that came from within.

He’ll see how broken you are. He’ll see what the rest did, whatever they saw, that made them all leave you.

Sleep finally quieted the voice, but it returned in his nightmares, distorted and loud. Shadows poured down from the walls and wound up his legs as that deafening voice roared that he was broken. Unlovable. The shadows flooded his mouth, suffocating him. He fought for air but all he got was the voice.

Broken.

Broken.

BROKEN.

Jasper sat upright, his hair and his boxers matted to him with sweat. He kicked the sheets off his legs but there were no shadows crawling up his body. Siouxsie sniffed his hand, pressing her big, blocky head against him with a concerned huff. He scratched behind her ears with shaking fingers. A glance at the clock told him he’d only been asleep for a couple of hours. Long enough for his brain to torment him, and long enough to make him afraid to go back to sleep, where he was helpless to escape what awaited him there.

He got up and grabbed towels from the linen closet; he’d wash the sweat-drenched sheets in the morning. For tonight, he spread the towels out and lay atop them, resting his head on Siouxsie’s muscular shoulder, since she’d curled up on his pillow in his absence.

Sleep pulled him under again, but thankfully if he dreamed this time, he didn’t remember it.

The next evening found Jasper in front of the bathroom mirror, making sure he looked like someone who’d slept better than he had. He wore the turtleneck Hiyori suggested. It was a sleeveless shirt made out of something very soft, falling loosely to his waist, where he wore a pair of black pants with wide legs to accommodate his boots. He put on a few rings and layered a couple of silver necklaces. It was as close to dressed up as Jasper got.

“Wish me luck, guys,” he told the dogs on his way out. They’d been outside and had plenty of food to last the night. It was an hour drive to Konrad’s, same as the shop, so he didn’t expect to be home for a while.

Konrad lived on the outskirts of the city. Jasper knew what to expect when the property had a gate, but his stomach still gave an unpleasant swoop when he saw the house. It was massive. There was a fucking fountain. He turned the car off and fidgeted with his keys as he walked up the wide stairs leading to tall double doors. His pants had an annoying lack of pockets. There was an ornate door knocker, but also a doorbell, which he pressed instead.