Page 10 of Forever and Always

My childhood had been less than idyllic. I had no idea who my father was, my mother had hooked up with him… somewhere. She couldn’t say where. I guess in those days she had so many hookups that none of them were particularly memorable. Mom waitressed at the local dive bar at night and slept during the day, leaving her precious little time for the daughter she only realized she was pregnant with when it was too late to do anything about it.

And then there had been the parade of ‘boyfriends’ through our house. Some stayed for an hour, leaving Mom with money on the way out, some stuck around a little longer and as I grew older, some of them paid way more attention to me than I was comfortable with. I learned fast to lock myself in my bedroom and keep a baseball bat by the bed just in case.

I studied hard in high school, avoiding any romantic entanglements, and got a full ride to University of Colorado – Denver. That’s where I met Steph. I knew she was a kindred spirit the instant I met her. Somehow we both gravitated towards Emergency Management, and as two of the only women in the program, we stuck together.

Growing up the way I had, I’d developed this fantasy of a Prince Charming kind of guy who’d fall in love with me at first sight and whisk me away to my happily ever after. I’d ‘saved’ myself for that happy day, one of the only twenty year old virgins in college. Until I met Jake. He was rich and handsome and charming and knew all the right things to say to talk me out of my panties. Then he dropped me like a bad habit soon after. We’d only dated for two months, but it was enough to show me that happily ever after didn’t exist.

After that I dated on my own terms and took control of my own sexuality. I wasn’t promiscuous – I chose my partners carefully and had long stretches of celibacy – but I also wasn’t afraid to ask for what I wanted and enjoy the pleasure of a man’s company whenever it suited me.

I’d never been tempted to have anything long-term. Never let my heart get involved. Until I met Andrew. The night we met I realized that my feelings were stronger after spending a few hours with him than they’d been for anyone else I’d dated since my disastrous relationship with Jake. And that scared the crap out of me.

Then Andrew started talking about love at first sight and I’d practically made a Katy-sized hole in his door trying to get away. Yet even after eighteen months, I still thought of him almost every day.

It was a problem. And I knew instinctively that the problem was going to get much worse after spending three weeks at his house.

Despite Marianne’s blatant matchmaking attempts, I had a great time at the Lawson house. They were all warm and friendly, and the way they teased each other made me laugh. Marianne’s food was delicious too. That was the best pork chop I’d had in my life.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” I asked Andrew on the way back to his place.

I had a giant bag of leftovers on my lap. Marianne had cooked enough for twelve adults instead of the four who’d been at dinner.

“I’m going to church with my mom and Patrick in the morning,” he answered. “Do you want to join us?”

“God no.”

He shot me a look at my horrified tone and I realized that sounded bad.

“I mean, thanks but I’m not really religious.”

He nodded.

“After church I’m supposed to go snow shoeing with Patrick.”

“Great,” I said a little too enthusiastically. “I was planning on just relaxing tomorrow, so I don’t have to worry about getting under your feet.”

I wasn’t totally sure how to relax, but I was sure I could figure it out.

He shot me another look but didn’t comment. As soon as we got back to his house I thanked him for about the tenth time for helping me, then scurried off to my room where I could be alone.