Page 63 of Broken & Bound

Like pushing on a bruise just to feel the ache—I clicked on his name—anyway. All the messages we’d sent one another taunted me. Flirty text, funny memes, and images of places to meet one another for some late night fun.

Nothing new, though. I stared at the silence I’d created between us. The distance was entirely my doing. Not like I could complain. He was honoring my stupidity.

Why was I like this?

A fresh ache settled over me. My bedroom sat only a few doors from his. God, I wanted to go to him. More than anything. Instead, I set the phone face down. If I went there, I knew exactly what would happen. He would pull me into his arms.

I would feel awful and fall apart. Again. Nothing had changed. I was still sitting in my camp and he was in his. Curling beneath the blanket, I closed my eyes and shut down the noise in my head. Exhaustion came for me, mercifully.

And for once, my dreams stayed away.

The soft light of the day filtered through the studio windows, and I stretched, feeling the stiffness in my muscles from sleeping on the couch. The moment consciousness returned, so did reality.

Morning had come too quickly. The careful balance I’d meticulously worked on with Marcel the last year felt unstable again. That bothered me in my core. Was I going to forever be one step or a bad situation away from crumbling?

Just keep moving. You have work today and need to make some important phone calls.

I forced myself to get up and go through the motions of starting the day. Thank God, I’d cleaned up the studio last night before laying down. I put the blanket and pillow away. The busyness helped calm me again.

A part of me expected Kinsley and Tori to be camped out in front of my door. My entire body sighed in relief when the coast was clear. I quietly made my way down the hall and into my room. I collapsed against the bedroom door.

My eyes fell on the bed. It was made.

My heart skipped a beat. It was too early for the regular maids to have come through. Who could have done it? The question had no more than formed when my eyes noticed something lying on my pillow. With trembling hands, I picked the note up and flipped it open.

I’m not sure what to do with these now. Maybe you can save them for Kinsley. It would seem odd coming from me. ~Pasha

The breath in my lungs squeezed out. Lying on my pillow was a Frida Mom anti-nausea band set and a My Little Coco Baby Mama All About the Bump gift set. He must have picked them up when he was getting the pregnancy tests.

The thoughtfulness behind the gesture was more than I could handle. My vision blurred as fresh tears gathered. In my mind, I could see him standing inside Boots. Completely out of his element. Towering over an aisle filled with products neither of us had ever expected to need.

I could picture the furrow between his brows as he picked things up and turned them over, reading every word on the packaging. Knowing him, he’d probably have read it at least three times before deciding. He would have wanted to get it right.

The realization hurt. Because Pasha always got it right. A choked laugh escaped me. He probably asked someone for help. Partially because he would have been a little embarrassed. He wouldn’t have let that stand in his way, though.

I could practically hear the conversation.

Excuse me, my partner is feeling sick. Do you know if these really work?

My heart felt bruised in ways I couldn’t explain. The anti-nausea bands sat in my hands. It was such a small thing. Thoughtful and perfect. While I’d been busy panicking, he’d been searching for ways to make me comfortable.

While I was buried under the covers in denial, he was looking for ways to take care of me. My thumb brushed over the packaging.

The image shifted again. Pasha standing in the checkout line. Smiling to himself. Excited about the future. I read his note once more and felt the crushing weight of the situation.

The stupid anti-nausea bands finally broke me. They represented everything he was trying so desperately to be.

My partner. A father. A fiercely proud man who was ready to declare his undying love and commitment to me and—

Picking up the items, I took them into the bathroom and fished out the bag holding the pregnancy tests. I added the items to the bag and shoved them to the back. I angrily brushed away the tears that seemed in abundance now in my life.

With a heavy heart, I showered and changed before heading to the dining room. I had no appetite, but if I didn’t make an appearance, the family would notice.

The closer I got, the churning in my stomach increased. Damned morning sickness. It was as if now I knew there was a baby growing inside me; it intensified everything.

All you have to do is pretend nothing has changed. Get through breakfast and go to work.

The dining room was already alive when I stepped inside. Declan was talking a mile a minute to Nik about something involving dinosaurs, soccer, and a fire truck. How all three were connected, I had no idea.