Page 57 of Everdoll

Her innocent voice sounded reproachful. I stayed silent. I knew no answer would make her happy.

When we arrived at the Bernova mansion, the police had already gathered in front of the house. An ambulance also arrived, and the neighbors were talking to each other anxiously.

In this scene, Mina buried her head in my chest. I went rigid, afraid to even blink. Then she pulled away, regret settling over her features.

She began walking home without waiting for me. I followed behind her, careful to keep my distance. I didn’t tell her we had to give a statement to the police; I could see she was too distraught for this right now.

When we returned home, she refused all nourishment. She was strangely silent, so I didn’t press her. When she retreated to her room, I lingered at the threshold for a while. I was terrified she might commit something. Her calmness was unusual, and this was not a good sigh.

But she didn’t do anything. She remained motionless all night; I could see from the micro-camera I’d left in the room that she hadn’t slept at all. My face contorted in agony, but I didn’t want to interfere with her free will.

That was the last time I yielded to it.

☾

Mina

Where ought I to carry such agonizing grief?

How do people endure such pain? Just yesterday, my friend—who had been smiling as she told me about her dreams—could no longer breathe because of me.

She had no dreams left. She would never again walk down the streets she loved, nor would she ever tilt her head toward me so I could stroke her hair. She was gone in an instant, and I couldn’t do a thing.

Even though I was to blame for everything, I ran away. I couldn’t take care of her. I couldn’t stay by my one and only friend’s side until the very end. Yet there was still a part of me pushing this pain away. A part that refused to cry, that couldn’t accept it was too late, that just couldn’t wake up from this nightmare.

I walked down the stairs slowly. Remi was preparing breakfast in the kitchen; he seemed cheerful, but I couldn’t join him. All night long, I’d just lain there with my eyes open, staring at the wall. Even though my throat felt dry, I didn’t want anything to enter my body.

I wished I could wither and die like a flower.

When I stepped into the garden, the bright sunlight burned my bloodshot eyes, forcing them to squint tight. I tried to take a deep breath, but neither my nose nor my mouth could draw in enough air.

I took a few steps, trying to feel better. Trying to push it out of my mind. It was a beautiful day, the kind where people would go out for a picnic. That’s why it should have been easier to feel okay; my brain kept telling me that.

So I waited patiently. Though my eyes inexplicably threatened to fill with tears, I clenched my jaw and stared into the distance without blinking. My fingers mindlessly tore at the artificial grass on the ground. Even as thoughts swirled, I refused to let them turn into tears.

But when I glanced at the villa’s wall and spotted a cat lying unconscious, all the suppressed rage and despair surged right out of my hands.

It was one of those android pets gifted by my father’s news agency. Its battery must have drained, or at worst, it was broken. I scrambled to my feet and stumbled toward it, my steps unsteady. Seeing it motionless filled me with panic, and almost unconsciously, I shouted, “Remi!” “Remi, come here! The cat’s dead! The cat!”

My mind knew this wasn’t real. But I needed confirmation. I had to confirm it just to make the images swarming my head vanish.

I wished the blood dripping from the doorknob and the face of the girl holding my hands for the last time would disappear from my mind.

“Mina!”

A worried voice came from afar. He ran toward me and checked on me first; when I pointed to the cat, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Its battery is dead. What’s wrong?”

I turned my head to look at the cat again, flinched, and quickly looked away. “It’s lying there unconscious. How can you be so sure it’s not dead?”

“It can’t die, Mina. We charge it and it comes back. It doesn’t have a lifespan.”

My eyes began to sting. I took another shaky breath and let out a faint sob.

“What about Eli?” I could no longer hold back the tears. Though I wiped them away with the back of my hand, they kept flowing. “Can you bring her back, too?”

“Mina…”