Page 19 of Everdoll

“What the hell are you talking about? That’s not the point.”

“Oh, yes, it is. It is the entire point. Now, you’re going to leave here of your own will.”

He reached for the front door and opened it, grabbing me by the wrist again and dragging me out into the garden.

“Are you serious? Then what about you? I can just walk out like nothing happened, but you? You’ll stay in that room until you die?” I continued in a playful tone. “Tell me, how long have you been doing this, Raymond? Since we broke up? Or did you just start? Will you watch me tonight too? What color pajamas do you want me to wear?”

He yanked me along and shoved me out the front door. I staggered, but managed to find my balance. Only the two of us stood in the dark street; not a single living soul passed by.

“If you’re angry with me, I’ll burn everything related to you.” He whispered quickly, his voice urgent, panicked. “Just leave.”

“I won’t! I can’t, I…” I bowed my head in shame. “I’ve missed you too, Raymond. For years, I…”

“No.” I couldn’t look at his face, but the voice reaching my ears was so harsh. “You shouldn’t. Everything is over. We’re over. Go home now.”

“No! I won’t go anywhere until you explain everything!”

“I have nothing to explain!”

“For God’s sake, Raymond! Nowhere left for you to run, don’t you understand? I’ve seen everything, I know all your secrets now. Why do you still shut me out?”

“You ask why?” Raymond chuckled, he wasn’t as timid as he’d been a moment ago. “Simple. Because I don’t want you.”

“What?” I stepped back, staring blankly at him. “How? You…”

“I don’t want you. In fact, I hate you so much. So much… I’ve hated you for years.”

“You’re lying! Those clones…”

“Right. I made them to ease my hatred.” Only inches separated us, and just like that, I was back on that street, the merciless wind whipping through my hair, numbing every thought. “You saw them. They were shattered. I did that. I shattered them all. I kept making new versions, thinking my anger toward you might fade. But it never did. My anger never fades, my hatred never dies!”

“Your hatred? You really expect me to believe that? After all those words you said about missing me?”

“I don’t expect anything.” He leaned in slightly, but even that was enough to melt my heart. In the past, he would always lean in to hear me better, allowing me to meet his gaze without having to stand on my tiptoes.

“I just want you to think about what you saw. You saw yourself in pieces, Mina.” His sharp words snapped me out of sweet daydreams. “How can you be sure I won’t do the same to you?”

Feeling his breath on my ears, I involuntarily stiffened.

“You should run.” His whisper was like the final spell of black magic. “Because I’m not sure what to do when the object of my hatred is standing right in front of me.”

“Stop lying.”

I murmured hopelessly. I wanted to believe what I saw. Raymond kissed the clone with love, even stroked her—no, my—hair. So why…? Why was he acting like this now?

“You’re free to believe whatever you want. I’m just giving to you a chance. You can pretend tonight never happened, Mina. I’ll do that as well.”

“I can’t, Raymond.”

“You’ve managed to do that for years. Just keep living in peace.”

My throat tightened, then I lifted my head to meet his cold gaze.

“Peace? You think I’m in peace?”

I should’ve stopped. I knew I should’ve. What was the good of arguing when the other person didn’t want to hear me at all? But not being heard—and carrying on with the issues I’ve been unable to resolve within myself for years—was becoming exhausting.

It felt as though someone had reached down my throat, trying to rip my heart out. How was this burning inside me ever supposed to fade? Didn’t know what to do with this agony, I began, my voice steady.