Page 39 of Alaska Lights
“You can stop it? How? Why aren’t we doing what needs to be done now?”
I dab my eyes again, not wanting to look too horrifying while speaking to Soren. “The pilot. He’s my mate.” It feels good to say that to him. I didn’t realize how much of a weight that secret carried until now.
Soren’s mouth parts, his eyes wide as the damn moon, and he doesn’t speak a word.
I wave my hand in front of him. “Hello? Soren?”
He blinks away the shock, shaking his head to get himself back in the present. “Say that again?”
“My mate,” I repeat, exasperated by this night’s turn of events.
Soren jumps from the chair, lacing his hands together behind his head, grinning as if he knows the world’s secrets. “Do you know what this means? You…you aren’t going to die! You aren’t going to die!” Soren grips my sore shoulders and shakes me. “Wooo!” he cheers, practically dancing around the table in happiness.
Watching his relief…has different tears gathering in my eyes besides blood. He cares. He truly cares that I live. He’s happy. No, he’s more than that. Soren is ecstatic.
I didn’t know he cared so much. I’m such an unpleasant person. It doesn’t make sense for him to care about me.
He runs back to the wet seat Lorcan left, and instead of being annoyed, Soren is on cloud nine. He grabs my shoulder again with one hand, leaning in with tears shimmering in his eyes.
“I thought I was going to lose you, brother. The thought of tackling this ranch without my best friend seemed impossible. Glenn and I don’t want to do it. We wouldn’t have. We couldn’t have. Not without you. This makes me so happy.” He drops his head, and a tear falls from his cheek onto the table. “I’m so fucking happy I don’t have to say goodbye to you.”
Soren and I have been in each other’s lives now longer than not, and yet, I am shocked he would care about someone like me.
I’m miserable. I’m angry. I’m mean. I snap. I have no patience. I’m not the greatest person. I won’t even call myself a decent man. I exist.
I’m realizing I’ve been so wrapped up in my own misery, I didn’t see how lucky I was to have the family I’ve never had before. Soren and Glenn are the only people in my life who have never left me.
I didn’t see it until right now. I’m so used to being alone that when my Dead Man’s Ranch family stared me in the face, I couldn’t even realize they were there.
“I’m still dying if you can’t tell, but”—I pause to not sound so doom and gloom—“but there’s hope now.”
Soren nods in agreement, squeezing my shoulder as he continues to look down to gather his emotions. His shoulders shake, and he sniffles. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so emotional.
“There’s hope now,” he echoes.
Soren lifts his head, the whites of his eyes red, the iridescent shimmer twinkling across his iris.
“There’s just one problem.” I lift my index finger in the air. “Well, I wouldn’t call it a problem. That’s not the right word.”
He laughs, releasing my shoulder before sinking into the chair to get more relaxed. “Alaska. There’s no problem in existence for us now. Everything else is a small bump in the road.”
“Okay,” I agree with a dramatic head nod. “Okay, then this is a bump in the road.”
“You could tell me this house was falling apart and I wouldn’t care. What’s the issue, Al? I’ll help anyway I can.”
“My mate is a man.”
He flops his arm out in a ‘so’ manner. “And?”
“I don’t care he is a man!” I seethe with impatience. “I…” I swallow, my face flaming red. My ears fucking burn. I don’t like feeling this uncomfortable.
I exhale, staring at the blood staining my fingers. “I’m nervous. He makes me so nervous.” A sheen of sweat breaks out over my body at the thought of Leo being near me. “I don’t know what to…do.” I quickly flick my eyes up at Soren, then back down, then up again.
“What do you mean?” He places his chin in his palm, leaning against the table on his elbow.
“You know,” I grumble. “I don’t know what to do.” The words are a mutter out of the side of my mouth.
He snorts, placing a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing. “Oh, you don’t know what to do.”
