Page 70 of The Lockdown Mann

Me: Gonna play hard for my girls. Wish me luck. Love you.

It’s what I always say, what I’ve always said, and the two of them come back at me telling me they love me no matter what and wishing me good luck.

It’s started to feel weird, though, saying those words, and the only reason I can think of is Des, but the truth is, I do love Ree. I’ll always love her, even though that love has changed.

My fingers seem to have a mind of their own, moving from the group text to Des.

Me: How you feeling about the game tonight?

Des: I’m thinking two touchdowns.

I roll my eyes. Of course he would say something like that.

Me: I’ll give you one. You’re not getting two.

Des: Is that a challenge? What do I get if I do?

My fingers linger over the screen as I try to figure out what to say. What would I give him if he got two touchdowns?

What does he want?

I want to say something sexy here, something cocky and flirty, but my fingers just sorta stick, because my brain isn’t giving any directions.

Me: What do you want?

Des: Nope. I’m not making this easy for you. Tell me what I get, and I’ll tell you if that’s good enough motivation.

Me: Winning is all the motivation you need. You’re a winner. That’s what you want to do.

Des: Stop stalling and tell me.

Fuck, what the hell do I tell him? What do I want to give him?

One thing comes to mind, but I don’t know if I can let myself text the words. It’s something I’ve been thinking about each time I’m inside of Des, seeing how good he feels, how much pleasure I can pull out of him, and wondering what that would feel like myself…

Even though I know I’m bi, I never thought about being fucked before Des and I started this.

But I think about it now…almost every fucking day. Even when I’m not with Des.

And for once, I want to get the best of him too, want to say something he doesn’t expect, something I want, even if it’s not something I could say to anyone but him.

I can say this because it’s him.

My fingers shake, but I still send the text. Me, Des. You get me.

I turn the phone over, not letting myself look, and wait for his reply. I don’t want to know what he’s going to say yet, don’t want to let myself obsess about it because I have a game to play.

“Hey.” I startle at the sound of Hunter’s voice as he sits beside me, fumbling my phone and nearly dropping it, but I manage to catch it with my feet. “Everything okay?” Hunter chuckles.

“Yeah, you just startled me. I was spacing out.”

“I could tell,” he replies. “You’ve been like that a lot lately. You know I’m here, right? If you ever need someone to talk to. It wasn’t long ago that you were saying the same thing to me.”

He’s right. I made sure he knew I was there for him, both after losing Ellis and then what I now realize was the time he was falling for Lucas. I can tell Hunter that Ree and I aren’t together anymore, that I’m bisexual, and that I’m doing something with Des, but these aren’t only my secrets. I’m sure there’s a part of me that worries that telling people will make it more real—not the Serena part. That is real. What I mean is the part with Des. I’m already getting all weird with him. How much harder will it be to keep that line drawn when our shared best friend knows about us?

“I’m good, man. Thanks for being there, though.”

He nods, but the questioning look in his eyes says Hunter might not believe me. Luckily, Coach comes out to have a pregame talk with us, and then we’re heading out to the field to play Denver.