Page 51 of The Lockdown Mann

“Jesus. What the fuck is this? All the fucking men in L.A. and the only two I’m interested in happen to be the same fucking guy?”

I’m lost as hell. I have no idea what he’s talking about. “You’re gonna have to give me a few more hints than that, because I have no fucking clue what’s going on.”

He stops, turns to look at me, and says, “GameOn057?”

“I—” The pieces start falling into place. “How is that possible?” How did I not recognize his dick? Out of the millions of people in L.A., how did we end up talking to each other? This seems way too far-fetched to be real, but how else would he know that name? And OnTheBeach27 did tell me he was recently separated…and he had a kid…and… “Holy fuck.”

“I jerked off with you,” he says.

“For me, Oak. You jerked off for me.” I don’t know why he’s hung up on that, considering what we’ve done here together today. “You also sucked me off.”

“Yeah, but… What the fuck,” he says again. “What is it about you? I trusted you all those years ago. Then I met someone who I felt comfortable talking to, sharing some of what I was going through. I did what I did with him because he made me feel comfortable. Then I end up here with you again, only to discover the only other guy I’ve ever been interested in, other than you, is…you.”

Hearing him say that makes my brain short-circuit, makes my skin get tingly and my confidence explode. “The only guy you’ve ever been interested in is me?”

He rolls his eyes. “You know it is, Des. But not in a serious way. Just a fling, like before.”

I fight to school my features, not to let my emotions show.

That seems to be all I’m ever good for.

Nothing serious.

Just a fling.

Nothing more.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Oakley

I study Desmond, looking for a sign that he’s going to freak out about what I said. The last thing I want to do is scare him away with all this talk about him being the only guy I’ve ever been interested in.

Des doesn’t do serious. Des has never done serious. And I’d be smart to remember serious is the last thing that should be on my mind right now, too.

And it’s not—on my mind, I mean. I’ve only been talking with Desmond again for about five seconds. I just don’t want him to think this is more than it is. I don’t have it in me for that, and I know he doesn’t want it either.

But still, how is it that GameOn057 and Desmond are the same person? What are the odds? I can’t even fathom what that means, how, out of all the men I could have talked to, it ended up being him.

Desmond looks lost in thought, like maybe he’s disappointed or maybe he’s worried I’m going to think this is more than it is. “I’m not looking for anything serious. I can’t. Not right now.”

He crosses his arms, then leans back against the wall in this relaxed sort of way that I don’t feel. I wish it were as easy for me to let things roll off my shoulders as it is for Desmond.

“What are you looking for?” he asks.

What am I looking for? More of today, that’s for sure. “I want to keep doing what we’re doing if you’re down. Just having fun. No strings. I’ve never had something like that before.”

He studies me for a moment, but I can’t read what’s going on in his dark eyes. Eventually, he asks, “You’ll fuck other people?”

“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t think I’m built that way. I know that doesn’t make sense, considering I’m asking you for no-strings-attached sex, but I’m not the kind of guy who can be with someone I don’t trust. I trusted you online, and I trust you in person too.” I’ve always trusted Des. It’s like something inside of me has always recognized something inside of him. Like a part of me feels like it’s always known him. I felt it at sixteen, I felt it online, and I feel it now. “But I don’t know if I can do this if you’re fucking someone else, either. I know you don’t do relationships, and this might sound like that, but I promise that’s not what I’m asking for.”

“You know that, huh?” He pushes off the wall and walks over to me. “Of course I don’t. Why would I want something that’s real? Fucking around is a whole lot more fun.”

The words sting, but I’m not sure why. It’s exactly what I’m asking him for, exactly what I expect him to want.

He grabs my chin, holding it gently in his fingers, keeping me in place so I can’t turn away from him. “I’ve wanted a piece of you since the first moment I saw you. I haven’t had nearly enough of you yet. I’ll be your fling, Oak. I’ll show you how much fun it can be to have no-strings-attached sex.”

He walks me backward then, not stopping until my legs hit the bed. He tries to push me down on it, but I don’t let him, working to get the upper hand, trying to push him to the bed first.