Page 36 of The Lockdown Mann

“What’s up?” I ask, able to tell something is wrong. It’s unexpected that I can still read him, that I was able to read him even back then. Even the first time we met, it was like I already knew him, and despite the years and distance between us, I still feel it now too.

He sighs and walks over to the bench seat at the table. “I couldn’t do it.”

“Couldn’t do what?” I ask.

“Make it work…with Ree.”

I cock my head, heart beating faster than it was a moment ago. “What are you talking about, Oak?”

“We’re not together—Ree and I. We haven’t been for months, so I failed in one of the most important things I was supposed to do.”

Whoa. I didn’t expect to hear that. He and Serena aren’t together? How? Why? Who else knows?

And, of course, here’s Oakley blaming himself, taking all the pressure on himself because that’s what he does.

I walk over and sit beside him. “You didn’t fail.” I might not know what happened, but I know that.

“How can you say that?”

“Because I know you.” He turns to look at me, an expression in his brown eyes that I can’t read…confusion mixed with gratitude? Or maybe something else. “What happened?” I continue.

“It just wasn’t working. We both knew that. I’m not in love with Serena, and she’s not in love with me. When she told me… Jesus, Des. I can’t even describe the relief I felt.”

I wish I were surprised by the way Oakley is blaming himself for something that deserves no blame at all, something that just is, but it doesn’t come as a shock to me. “So let me get this straight. Serena came to you and told you she wasn’t in love with you, you feel the same, and yet you failed?”

“It’s not her fault either,” he defends her.

“I’m not saying it is. It doesn’t sound like it’s anyone’s fault. Instead, it’s two people who care about each other who communicated and came to the same conclusion.”

Oakley pauses for a moment before continuing, “I wanted something better for Tiana.”

“I think she’s got it pretty good—two parents who love her and love each other. It sounds like there’s no animosity between you both, like you’re dealing with this the best way you can.” But how? I still have a million questions, but I’m not sure now is the best time to ask. I haven’t wrapped my brain around what he’s telling me, but there is one thing I know. “You and Serena will do right by Tiana. How’d she take it?”

“She doesn’t know yet. No one does besides me, Ree, you, and…a friend.”

“What? I’m not a fucking friend or what?” I tease.

“Another friend.”

Really, though, it’s not like he and I have been friends for a long time. He was right when he brought up the fact that I ghosted him and then, the next time I saw him, acted aloof, like he’s just some random guy I like to give shit to.

And I do like giving Oakley shit, but he’s more than that, even if the way of it never made sense.

I touch my elbow to his. “For real, though, thank you for telling me. You can trust me.” I mean it; not just the trust part, but the appreciation. It means the world to me that Oakley would share this with me—that even after all this time, he feels comfortable lightening some of the load he always carries with me.

“Caught me at a good time, I guess,” he replies.

“When are you going to tell Tiana?” I ask.

“I don’t know, man. It’s going to devastate her. I don’t want to do that to my little girl. And then, with Sanaa being sick…” He shakes his head. “Fuck. I didn’t mean to say that. They’re not ready for that to be out.”

“You can talk to me. I’m not gonna tell anyone. You deserve a place to let all this shit out.” He has Serena, yeah, but I’m sure that’s difficult too, as it’s her mom who is sick and her he’s separated from.

Oakley drops his head back and looks up at the darkened sky. His Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows, before he looks down again. “It’s why they moved here. I just… Fuck, man. I’ve known this woman my whole life. She’s been a mother to me when my own wasn’t. I don’t know how to watch her get sick. I don’t know how to tell her Ree and I aren’t together anymore. It’s going to break her fucking heart, Des, and I don’t want to do that to the person who helped me put mine back together when my mom left.”

Jesus, I never imagined all the weight he’s carrying. From the outside looking in, Oakley’s world looks perfect: a beautiful family, still being in love with his childhood sweetheart, a cool-ass little girl, both found and blood family in his life. And while he still has those things, life comes with enough stumbling blocks to make it hurt and to test you, over and over again.

“You’ll figure it out. She’ll understand. From everything I’ve heard about her, I have to believe she just wants both you and Serena to be happy.”