Page 90 of Blinding Lights

With a shallow breath, Lily closes her eyes before opening them again and grabbing my hands, lifting them to her chest. “Watching you leave after Christmas was incredibly hard, but I believed it was the right thing because I was terrified of getting hurt again. Or worse, that Ava would get hurt. As you can probably tell, she’s more than a little taken with you. But I need you to know that it had nothing to do with the media or with you being in the limelight. I was worried you’d realize you didn’t want us and leave.”

“Jesus. That’s not⁠—”

“Wait. I’m getting this all wrong. While I may not have known your exact reasoning for staying away, I understood completely. And now that I know why, I understand even more. The problem is, I wasn’t being honest with myself, because it turns out, I’m falling for you. This you. The version of you that puts on a show for the media. The guy that does the right thing all the time. The man that cares so much that he’s willing to hurt himself to protect someone else. In my head, I was prepared to move on. But my heart never let me. And knowing how you feel makes me just as protective as you are. Which complicates things.”

Lily smiles while my heart races so fast, it hurts. She’s falling for me.

Emotion clogs my throat as I force out the question I almost don’t want answered. “What’s complicated?”

“We are. You think protecting me means walking away, and I’ve just realized protecting you means never letting you go.”

Her meaning sinks in and swirls around me like a hug, allowing me to feel everything I’ve been trying to avoid. And the truth is…

“I don’t want you to let me go because I’m falling for you too. And God knows, I care so much for Ava. But can’t you see how selfish that is? On my part.”

“Why is it selfish?” Lily’s voice cracks and I hate what I’m doing to her.

“God, there’s so many reasons. Media issue aside, I’d be asking you to take a chance on a man who lives thousands of miles away. A man with no proven track record when it comes to relationships. I’m essentially asking you to blow up your life for me when I won’t even be around to pick up the pieces.”

While Lily’s cheeks heat, her smile turns mischievous and she bites her lip to hide it. “Technically you haven’t asked me anything,” she sasses, making me chuckle.

“You’re right. But that’s because I’m still goddam petrified I’ll fuck it up.”

“Because you’re not in it for the long haul?”

“Hell, no. No one can predict the future, but feelings wise, I’m all in.”

Lily’s smile softens before her expression turns serious again. “So your main concern is that you won’t be here if the media comes after me?”

“Yes.”

“And you won’t be able to protect me and Ava?”

“Exactly.”

“Okay, well, what if I say I want to try anyway? Despite knowing all of that.” She holds my stare, projecting confidence, while her insecurities come through in the waver of her voice. “What then?”

“What if I become an insufferable and overprotective asshole who drives you up the wall?”

Lily snorts out a laugh before burying her face in my neck. “I guess you’ll be my insufferable and overprotective asshole.” She shrugs as she sits up again. “What happens if I miss important games or moments in your life because I have to work here in Clairmont, or do something for Ava?”

“I would never make you choose me or my life over Ava or any of your responsibilities. I want to make a new life with you. The last thing I want to do is complicate the one you have. That’s why I’m still hesitant.”

“Okay. What if Ava asks you to be there for her and…” She trails off when her voice catches in her throat. And while I’ve never met the guy, my dislike for Ava’s dad deepens. Only that’s a conversation for another day.

“I can’t promise I’ll be able to make every dance recital or football game. Whatever Ava chooses.” I wink, eliciting a laugh from Lily. “But I can promise to do everything in my power to try.”

“That’s all any of us can do.” Lily’s face softens in understanding, and as I stare into her eyes, the truth of her words stills me. All we can do is try.

“Lily.” I brush my thumb across her cheek, sucking in a breath when her throat bobs. “I want you in my life. I want Ava in my life. But⁠—”

“If you don’t want to be with me, I’ll accept that, but if you do, no more buts.” She presses her finger to my lips, tears glistening in her eyes. “We’ll get through this. Together. We have to. Because the alternative sucks.”

She shrugs and I can’t help the chuckle that escapes me. “You’re right. It sucked. Even my game suffered.”

“I know. I heard.” Lily scrunches her nose, and my chuckles turns into a laugh as she rushes to apologize.

“Do you really think we can make this work?” I ask hesitantly after a beat.