Page 39 of Blinding Lights

“You could choose a different team entirely. It’s up to you.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

“My favorite color is yellow. Is there a yellow team? Or a team with a puppy on the front? I want a puppy. Mom says I can’t have one since I’m away a lot and won’t be able to take care of it.”

She pouts and it’s so adorable that I almost smile, stopping myself when I catch the sadness in her eyes. “I know exactly how you feel. I can’t have a puppy for the same reason.”

“You can’t?”

“Nope. I have to travel for my games, and I don’t have anyone back in San Francisco to look after it for me.”

“You don’t have anyone?” Her sadness morphs from the puppy to me, and she squeezes my arm. “If you lived here, we could look after it for you.”

“Thank you, Ava. I’ll remember that if I ever move home.”

“Don’t you miss your mom? I miss my mom when I’m away at my dad’s. He’s always busy working but when I’m with Mom she’s always there to play with me. If you were my dad, would you play with me?”

Jesus. Fuck. I choke on nothing and cough to hide it, managing a weak smile for Ava’s benefit. “Sometimes people have to work, but that doesn’t mean they don’t wish they were free to play with you.”

“That’s exactly what Mom said.”

“Your mom’s a smart woman.”

“The smartest.” She beams with pride and it strikes me in the chest. “Did you know that she’s a really good drawer?”

“I didn’t know that, no.”

“Well, she is. When you come to my house one day I’ll show you the drawing she did on my wall.”

“I’d like that,” I say softly, and the truth to my words stuns me momentarily. Because I would like that. Even though I should be staying the hell away from them both.

As though protecting Ava changed me in ways I haven’t even begun to process, I’m somehow possessed beyond my control as I walk forward, settling beside Atlas while Olivia and Hunt are announced. I’ve been avoiding him since I arrived, and apparently now it’s time I face the inevitable.

“Hard to believe his mom used to have to beg him to take a shower, and now he’s a whole-ass married man.” The words leave my mouth before I’ve thought them through, and Atlas stiffens as his eyes flash to mine before he smiles. That felt a lot like old times.

“I think he went a whole summer one time believing if we splashed around in the pool that day it meant he didn’t have to bathe that night.”

“And to think he seems like the one who has his shit together out of the three of us nowadays.” I shrug and Atlas laughs, bringing about my own as I relax a little.

We fall silent for a beat, watching the bride and groom while I plan my escape. Atlas wanted to talk; we talked. It’s not much but it’s a start and⁠—

“What happened to us, Beck?” He turns my way, moving straight from the beginning to a climactic moment. And my chest burns. I don’t even know what to say. We grew apart. We’re both different people than we were back in college, and while it’s sad we’ve drifted, it happens.

Only that’s not exactly what happened, and there’s no way he’s going to buy that excuse. “How about we catch up tomorrow before heading out?” I offer, hoping a set time will appease him, while also giving me the chance to get through tonight without worrying about what he’s going to say next.

Atlas smiles softly and I’m thankful when he agrees. “Yeah, tell me when and where.”

Shit. I hadn’t thought that far ahead. “Well, I have to leave for the airport before noon.”

“Who’s taking you?” he asks, a slight furrow to his brow.

“Ah.” I scratch the back of my head. “I bought my mom and sister a day at the spa here tomorrow, so I’m just Ubering.”

“I need to be back in New Orleans by two anyway, so why don’t I just give you a ride? We can talk then.”

Fuck. There’s no escaping if I’m in his car. “Your boy, Crew, isn’t riding with you?” I ask, looking for an excuse, surprising myself when there’s a hint of jealousy in my tone.