Page 31 of Top Shelf
The room shifts, and I know everyone heard the thing underneath what I’m saying.
Carina’s shoulder presses lightly against mine. “Have you told them?”
“No.”
“Are you going to?”
“Maybe after it’s real, or maybe never. They’ll just find a way to make it sound like I’m being impulsive.”
“You’ve worked on this for months,” Zoe says.
“I know.” I trace a fingertip around the top of my glass. “But my parents hear business idea and immediately start looking for evidence I’m being reckless. Same way they hear ADHD and think excuse, or hear bisexual and think undecided.”
Lulu’s face tightens, and I feel her hand reach out and gently wrap around my arm.
I shrug before anyone can look too kind. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine,” Nia says.
“Well, okay—it’s not. But it’s the same shit, different day with them.”
Carina doesn’t say anything to that, but her hand finds my free one on my lap.
Zoe looks back down at her own notes she’s scrawling. “Do you want any of that in the positioning?”
“My parents being weird?”
“No. You.”
I reach for my wine again. “I don’t hide that I’m bi, if that’s what you mean.”
“Yeah, that’s what I mean.”
“I don’t want it turned into a shiny little founder fact. Like, look, she’s bisexual and has ADHD, how quirky and marketable.”
“That makes sense.” Nia agrees.
I twist the stem of my glass between my fingers. “I’ll talk about it where it matters, and I don’t wanna sand myself down. My parents still treat my sexuality like it’s a phase I’ll grow out of, so I’m allergic to anything that makes it sound like a fun little brand accessory. I’m bi. I’ve dated women, and I’ve dated men. I’m not confused, and it’s not connected to how adventurous I am in bed, despite what several terrible men and an ex-girlfriend with a crystal collection seemed to believe.”
Lulu snorts into her glass.
“Crystal-woman was a trip,” Nia says through a laugh.
“She was very hot but very committed to misunderstanding me.”
“Classic,” Lulu says. “Sounds like all the guys I dated before Logan.”
Zoe nods as she types on her keyboard. “Okay, then it’s settled. Not a marketing tagline. What about the ADHD stuff?”
“Same thing. It matters because it’s part of how I see systems and gaps, but I don’t need it written like my diagnosis taught me the true meaning of sports rehab.”
Carina makes a soft sound. “God, please don’t let anyone write that.”
“I would walk into the sea.”
Everyone chuckles, and for a while, that’s all we do. Talk it out and then some more, put plans in place, and plans for more plans if the first plans work. Carina writes down what she’ll ask Moreno’s office to send legal, and Zoe cleans up the pitch language. Nia makes me separate the Friday money from the later money, then makes me do it again when I try to hide a few costs in “miscellaneous.” Lulu texts someone she knows from a community sports fundraiser, then someone else from an old event committee, to see if they can help.
I look down at my notebook before my face can do something embarrassing, because these women are the type of supportive family I never had growing up. I crack open five more pistachios to cover up the overwhelming love I feel for them in my chest, before it bubbles up and overflows.
