Page 71 of Don’t Look Back

Along with each thick inch, Ryan claimed me with every thrust. The knowledge that, no matter what, I’d be his forever had my heart ready to explode.

Buried to the hilt, Ryan pressed my left leg back until my thigh was flush against my chest. Trembling, he leaned down to press his lips to mine. “Jason, I l⁠—”

“Shh.” A shaky hand brushed sweaty hair away from his face. “I know.”

His hips stilled and my body protested. “You’re crying,” he commented. “Am I hurting you?”

My head thrashed against the pillow. “No.” My voice was barely audible. “No, you’re not hurting me. Please, baby. Just move.”

That was all the permission Ryan needed. The air grew heavy, and things grew hazy. I tried to make the feeling last as long as possible. I thought that if I did, then morning wouldn’t come, and I could enjoy every possible second I could being tangled up in the man I loved.

I didn’t sleep.

I soaked up every opportunity to have my skin touching Ryan; to have my hands on him, my lips tasting every inch of his body. It was only when I was too sore and exhausted to move that I let myself rest with my head on his chest. His heartbeat thumped a steady rhythm in my ear, and I committed the sweet lullaby to memory.

Mornings with Ryan were typically my favorite, but that one was somber. We dragged our feet packing up the last of our things and loading them into the back of Charlie’s truck. We’d take Ryan to the Thompsons’, where he would get in his little gray Honda and dive to Miami. Then, Charlie would drive me to the airport in Atlanta where she’d fly to New York with me to help me settle in. The ride was silent. Sensing the tension, Charlie didn’t say a word.

There was nothing to be said.

As I stepped out to say goodbye to Ryan I swore I wouldn’t cry again. I didn’t want to cry again. But the minute Ryan opened his driver’s door, my vision blurred.

“Don’t cry,” Ryan begged, his voice breaking. “Please don’t cry. Because if you cry, then I’ll cry, and you’ll miss your flight.”

“Okay.” I took a deep breath and prayed to whoever was listening to make the tears stop. I stood in front of Ryan, clutching both his hands in mine. I didn’t care who saw anymore.

“Do you hate me?” I asked. “For leaving?”

Ryan’s own eyes started to well up behind the lenses of his glasses. “No… Just the opposite. Jason, I⁠—”

“Don’t. Don’t say it just because I’m sad.” I knew that if I heard Ryan say that he loved me, neither of us would be going anywhere. “Wait for the moment you mean it. I mean really mean it, with every piece of you. Save it for when I don’t have to walk away after.”

Ryan stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. Neither one of us wanted to be the first to let go.

“Smile,” he told me. “Please smile, amor. You have a smile that could light the darkest room. So please, let me see it.”

Muscles fighting me every step of the way, I forced my best grin. “When I open my restaurant… you’ll be there?” I forced out.

“I’ll be there. I promise.”

I turned my head as I heard the truck door. Charlie had hopped out, shoving her hands awkwardly in her pockets. That was my cue.

“Drive safely,” I said, kissing the backs of Ryan’s hands before turning my attention to his mouth. “Text me every hour, and the minute you get there. I’ll be waiting.”

“Don’t look back, Jason,” Ryan pleaded. “Whatever you do, don’t look back. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it.”

“Okay.”

I pressed our lips together, tasting his tears. It took everything I had to break away. I couldn’t live my entire life without feeling that kiss again. I wouldn’t.

“Goodbye, Jason.”

“Bye,” I whispered, voice barely audible.

Spinning on my heel, I took slow, calculated steps toward the truck. I had to force my brain to tell my feet to move. When I heard him open his car door, my heart took over, and I did exactly what Ryan had told me not to do: I looked back.

“Two years.” I called out.

Ryan turned my way, not bothering to hide the tears flowing down his cheeks. “Huh?”