Page 23 of Don’t Look Back

“Am I hurting you?” I asked, easing the pressure on my fingertips as I scrubbed at his scalp.

“No, it feels really good.”

We fell silent again. It took three washes to get all the blood out of his hair, and he let out a pleased hum when I went in with conditioner. I combed through his curls, making sure every single one was knot free before I rinsed them out. In spite of everything, I found myself searching for excuses to prolong the extremely intimate moment we were sharing. I didn’t want to leave him.

Eventually, I couldn’t put it off any longer. “I’ll step out so you can finish bathing. I put your bag in the guest room on the left. Give me a shout if you need help?”

Ryan nodded his agreement, and I made a move to leave, pausing in the doorway when a weak voice called my name.

“Tell me what you said.”

My heart sped up. “When?” But I knew exactly what he wanted me to repeat. Part of me wasn’t ready to face those feelings yet, but the more I was around him, the harder it became to ignore them.

“You know when, Jason. I think I know, but I also think I have a concussion, so I want to make sure I heard you correctly. What did you say?”

My grip tightened on the doorknob until my knuckles turned white. “I, um…”

I could have made something up, maybe played on the idea that he hadn’t heard me correctly.

Or maybe I should just tell him the damn truth.

Charlie’s words from earlier replayed in my head: “Either do something about it, or don’t.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to,” I blurted.

And then I shut the door, putting a physical barrier between us.

As I redressed my hand in the kitchen, I listened closely for the shower to turn off, but I must have zoned out more than I thought, because I didn’t hear Ryan walk up behind me.

“What happened?”

I jumped and whirled around on the spot. I don’t know who else I expected to see. Ryan stood barefoot in the entryway, wearing a clean T-shirt and a pair of sweats. Damp hair hung in his face, and he held his arms tight around him.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, quietly apologizing. The sudden change in his personality was jarring, and it broke my fucking heart.

“It’s okay. I guess I was just deep in thought.” I grabbed a roll of bandages and started to wrap my hand. “I decided to grab a hot engine.”

Ryan offered a weak smile, but it relieved me to see it. “Well, that was a stupid idea.”

“Tell me about it. Now I get three weeks off work and burn therapy. Are you feeling any better?”

Ryan gazed around the room, looking everywhere but at me. “I’m clean, but I don’t know about better.”

“You can lay down in the guest room if you want to. You should rest.”

“Shouldn’t I stay awake if I have a concussion? I think I read that somewhere.”

“It’s been… four hours? I think you’re okay. If something was going to happen it would have by now.” After filling a glass with some water, I grabbed my bottle of painkillers and guided Ryan toward the hallway. “I took enough blows to the head playing football to know concussions like the back of my hand.”

“The same hand you touched the hot engine with?”

There he is.

Feigning offense, I rolled my eyes, barely containing my smirk. “Bed, smartass,” I commanded.

Sitting on the mattress, Ryan eyed the pill in my hand skeptically. “What’s this?”

But he took it, accepting the glass of water I offered him at the same time. “Codeine—they gave them to me for my hand. You don’t have to take it, but you’ll be in a lot of pain if you don’t. It’ll help you get some rest too. You’re not allergic, are you?”